Thursday, August 26, 2021

but wait



Garden of Eden 


(summer 2020)



Going back to work up in northern Utah was uneventful




It’s not a surprise, but Nate moved both teams to the same general location to knock



It became clear that he had put me in an area with a lot of potential 



                                 I rolled up and looked at my map full of green stars




(iykyk)







Nate gave the hotel one weeks notice


I gave my parents one days notice




“Can we do a bomb/bbq and invite our team and Nate Witt’s team?”




“Who the heck is Nate Witt?”







Seth: “He is actually awesome. I want Ryanne to marry him.”




(did I mention my brother seth was working with us and around Nate and I this whole time?)



We had a bomb the next day. I was sitting in a chair around the table on a zoom class


all of the seats were taken



Nate wasn’t there yet



my dad had the smoked bomb on the table ready to eat



(a bomb is meat inside of meat inside of cheese 

wrapped in bacon smoked and cut to perfection)


It became apparent that I would have to leave the room


in order to hear my class better










so I stood up just as Nate walked in










when I came back, I expected Nate to be sitting at the table where I had been






I didn’t leave anything to save my spot


and had to leave for my class anyway





Instead I saw Nate sitting at the counter near the table


but all by himself



everyone else had a seat at the table



In that split second when he came in, he had noticed where I had been sitting







despite my mom inviting him to sit at the table, he politely refused



keeping that last spot open for me 



if it isn’t at all obvious... I pay attention to details



soak them up and keep them close





I think this experience helped me to know that he pays attention to details too





he chose to sit at the counter by himself instead of at the table with everyone else



for me


I came back into the room and saw him



I looked and my spot was still empty




I knew what had happened


and I felt so gloriously silly and happy all at once







that might sound vain if you think that I was happy because I didn't want to sit alone






But that isn't the case at all! 



I was simply happy because when I give 100 percent to a relationship

(friends and partners alike)



I do things like that



so I knew that I could give my best


+


 get the same sort of best right back at me 




at the same time







--------------



Tree Tunnels






My homework suffered that week because I was anxious for Nate to move in




I sold well, I just had butterflies in my head as well as my heart





One night, I was up doing homework.

 It was the end of the summer semester and I was feeling it





So dang tired




This was the first long conversation Nate and I ever had




I told him what I was doing (some huge final assignment) and how tired I was



He told me he was going to stay up with me to keep me awake and

asked if he could help me In any other way





I said keeping me awake would be more than great




He asked me a deep question about what makes me love life



I sent him a link to an amazing personality test so that I could over analyze his results later



https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test



I learned that he is the “Campaigner” personality 


which happens to be the exact personality that I am


(some people say opposites attract… but I guess they are wrong)


I read what the section about romance said, and he said that it was creepily accurate




Me:  I can see that it’s accurate


Him: how?


Me: I then listed all of the positive things that were on there

and how I noticed those in him.










We talked until 3 in the morning





I don’t remember what time I finished my homework




but I do remember telling him that tree tunnels are one of the things on my list of


“Things that make me instantly happy”






Which leads me to what happened the next day






“Roll Call” in the two-team group chat




Nate Witt:












enough said.
















Boating Incentive







That week of the “weeks notice” I saw Nate almost everyday at some point.





As an office, we were working to hit a goal

so that we could all take the coming Saturday off and go boating with our boss








It was so motivating, that the office went way over what we were supposed to do

in order to go boating




My roommate friend and I drove to the designated place to park next to the lake




We got in a line to pay for parking



Looked ahead




And saw Nate Witt paying for parking and pointing to our car





It didn’t surprise me when I pulled up to pay and the lady said 



“You are covered”






I was melting because HOW SWEET was it of him to think of 

paying for MY OUR parking?





Soon, our boss told us he had two jet skis rented



So I volunteered to go with Nate Witt to pick them up




We had a blast zipping around the lake



It felt like a date from The Bachelor 




We sprayed each other with water



Took turns surfing later on the boat



And had the best dang day



At one point this man was sitting next to me on the boat




+ he put his arm around me












he gave me a squeeze every once in a while to "keep me warm"



it was then that I realized something


St. George week was not just a fling for him



It’s one thing to cuddle up and hold hands when no one is awake/around




                            or spend a night texting until 3 in the morning (aka booty call hours)




and a completely other thing on a boat full of very awake people




+ your boss 



It felt good to know that










the next night we had another BBQ in our bosses backyard


This time…



I was.....







very much not aloof 










remember last time? I was quiet and avoiding everyone?


and awkward as a jellybean....






This time was like an explosion of me being me





That’s probably a good indicator that this situation 



was going to work out a little better than the last




Nate no longer thought I was aloof to his existence


or “over all of this”





I saw him as more than a ski bum 


(but I love that part of him too)




I felt like he saw me





really saw me





+ I was seeing him





and there was so much to look at









I could spend eternity seeing more and more




because he is so much of what I have always wanted to be myself
















Vast and Brilliant















some of the things I saw of him at this BBQ round II





---I saw someone who loves to serve because he insisted on

cleaning up everyones dirty paper plates





--- a couple of little girls were running around annoying the heck out of everyone to get attention





they were pushing our legs off of the foot rests



stealing our food



insulting us (lol I love kids)



roasting people who challenged them



+ honestly being a couple of little $hi+s






but then...





Nate started talking to them





my creepy photo of this





they weren’t sure what to do at first




slowly they warmed up to him




they started being nice because if we are all being honest


they just didn't know how to make friends with all of the young adults around them





they (Nate and the kids)

Jumped on the tramp




made bets where the winners got a dollar from Nate




became friends



and pretty soon these girls were playfully



FIGHTING



over who got to refill his drink 




And BEGGING him to play games on the tramp with them



I was slowly dying and my uterus was SCREAMING





I saw something in particular about Nate for the first time 





something that I see all the time now







I saw a dad. 


a really good dad.









one of the silly things Nate saw in me that day, was a



piano playing “prodigy”







I can play the piano by ear which means if I have heard a song, any song,


I can sit down and play it with no practice





I showed off my little party trick after most people had left




our friend Matt sang with me while I played whatever song was suggested



It was SO fun (Matt is an incredible singer)










that night I headed to floor two of the Hyatt House Hotel 





and waited for Nate to move in to floor 3



I kept replaying in my head the look on Nate’s face as he sat on the couch




and watched me sing/play the piano



I was in the zone




(it was basically pride and prejudice in 2020)





I was being the realest version of me




not afraid



of failing



or falling






people say that your person brings out the best version of you






I think that's BULLSHIT 





every guy I’ve ever dated brought out the best version of me




what’s really special is when you find someone



that brings out the realest rawest version of you




the version that isn’t afraid of being the worst version sometimes




because we all have different versions on the spectrum of worst to best




the person that you want to be with loves you



Not in spite of the worst versions



But because they can look upon you with grace and love



When you feel your worst



as well as when you feel your best


and you can do the same for them



It’s not that he brought out the worst in me




It’s that he brought out the true in me



  • the truest parts of any of us can only be brought out


If they don’t have the fear


Of sometimes being the worst




moving in


I didn’t have to wait very long because he was headed to the Hyatt House 


that night!




I went upstairs and we hung out/decorated











I’m pretty sure we watched a movie with a group of friends



and got a little cuddly…. :)



the next day was a Monday 






Cheesecake



The thing about Mondays is that they usually suck



but for me, that summer,  Mondays were an extension of my break




I didn’t work Mondays because I used the day to do as much homeworkl as possible



I was taking 13 credits in a sped up semester of only 1.5 months


As well as working a job that starts at 11 and goes until 9 sometimes 10 at night



It was INSANE 




But I had some extra time that Monday



so I made everyone dinner







at some point in our previous conversations 


I had learned that Nate loves cheesecake




so I bought a cute little mini cheesecake from


my favorite happy ghetto cafe in SLC




gourmandise









it's not so ghetto anymore admittedly







 and gave it to him when he showed up for dinner




he was beaming so I think that means he loved that I did that for him




moving forward, we spent every single night 


hanging out in his and his brothers hotel apartment



(there is a kitchen/living room and a bedroom)





we lived just an elevator ride apart




we watched movies, talked for hours after

andy went to bed, danced, joked, laughed, and had a blast.





After 5 or six nights of bliss + 2 weeks since St George,




I was wondering…






When the heck is he going to kiss me?




HEEEELLLOOOO?





One night he said something really sweet


so I leaned wayyy in there




my signal was loud and clear





I was READY TO KISS THIS BOY





but heaven forbid I make the first move…


(Feminist movement is still in progress k.)



So hints were given





(Nate’s version of this story: "She gave me no choice")




(major eyeroll)





Then..











BUTTERFLIES 





so many butterflies


















there must have been a million hurricanes on the other side of the world that night













;)






DIRECTLY FROM GOOGLE:

Q. What is the butterfly effect theory?

 

Answer:

  1. Image result for the butterfly effect

The butterfly effect is the idea that small things can have non-linear impacts on a complex system. The concept is imagined with a butterfly flapping its wings and causing a typhoon.








"I've been wanting to do that for a long time"


-Nate Witt

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