but wait

Garden of Eden 

(summer 2020)

Going back to work up in northern Utah was uneventful

It’s not a surprise, but Nate moved both teams to the same general location to knock

It became clear that he had put me in an area with a lot of potential 

                                 I rolled up and looked at my map full of green stars

(iykyk)

Nate gave the hotel one weeks notice

I gave my parents one days notice

“Can we do a bomb/bbq and invite our team and Nate Witt’s team?”

“Who the heck is Nate Witt?”

Seth: “He is actually awesome. I want Ryanne to marry him.”

(did I mention my brother seth was working with us and around Nate and I this whole time?)

We had a bomb the next day. I was sitting in a chair around the table on a zoom class

all of the seats were taken

Nate wasn’t there yet

my dad had the smoked bomb on the table ready to eat

(a bomb is meat inside of meat inside of cheese 

wrapped in bacon smoked and cut to perfection)

It became apparent that I would have to leave the room

in order to hear my class better

so I stood up just as Nate walked in

when I came back, I expected Nate to be sitting at the table where I had been

I didn’t leave anything to save my spot

and had to leave for my class anyway

Instead I saw Nate sitting at the counter near the table

but all by himself

everyone else had a seat at the table

In that split second when he came in, he had noticed where I had been sitting

despite my mom inviting him to sit at the table, he politely refused

keeping that last spot open for me 

if it isn’t at all obvious... I pay attention to details

soak them up and keep them close

I think this experience helped me to know that he pays attention to details too

he chose to sit at the counter by himself instead of at the table with everyone else

for me

I came back into the room and saw him

I looked and my spot was still empty

I knew what had happened

and I felt so gloriously silly and happy all at once

that might sound vain if you think that I was happy because I didn't want to sit alone

But that isn't the case at all! 

I was simply happy because when I give 100 percent to a relationship

(friends and partners alike)

I do things like that

so I knew that I could give my best

+

 get the same sort of best right back at me 

at the same time

--------------

Tree Tunnels

My homework suffered that week because I was anxious for Nate to move in

I sold well, I just had butterflies in my head as well as my heart

One night, I was up doing homework.

 It was the end of the summer semester and I was feeling it

So dang tired

This was the first long conversation Nate and I ever had

I told him what I was doing (some huge final assignment) and how tired I was

He told me he was going to stay up with me to keep me awake and

asked if he could help me In any other way

I said keeping me awake would be more than great

He asked me a deep question about what makes me love life

I sent him a link to an amazing personality test so that I could over analyze his results later

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

I learned that he is the “Campaigner” personality 

which happens to be the exact personality that I am

(some people say opposites attract… but I guess they are wrong)

I read what the section about romance said, and he said that it was creepily accurate

Me:  I can see that it’s accurate

Him: how?

Me: I then listed all of the positive things that were on there

and how I noticed those in him.

We talked until 3 in the morning

I don’t remember what time I finished my homework

but I do remember telling him that tree tunnels are one of the things on my list of

“Things that make me instantly happy”

Which leads me to what happened the next day

“Roll Call” in the two-team group chat

Nate Witt:

enough said.

Boating Incentive

That week of the “weeks notice” I saw Nate almost everyday at some point.

As an office, we were working to hit a goal

so that we could all take the coming Saturday off and go boating with our boss

It was so motivating, that the office went way over what we were supposed to do

in order to go boating

My roommate friend and I drove to the designated place to park next to the lake

We got in a line to pay for parking

Looked ahead

And saw Nate Witt paying for parking and pointing to our car

It didn’t surprise me when I pulled up to pay and the lady said 

“You are covered”

I was melting because HOW SWEET was it of him to think of 

paying for MY OUR parking?

Soon, our boss told us he had two jet skis rented

So I volunteered to go with Nate Witt to pick them up

We had a blast zipping around the lake

It felt like a date from The Bachelor 

We sprayed each other with water

Took turns surfing later on the boat

And had the best dang day

At one point this man was sitting next to me on the boat

+ he put his arm around me

he gave me a squeeze every once in a while to "keep me warm"

it was then that I realized something

St. George week was not just a fling for him

It’s one thing to cuddle up and hold hands when no one is awake/around

                            or spend a night texting until 3 in the morning (aka booty call hours)

and a completely other thing on a boat full of very awake people

+ your boss 

It felt good to know that

the next night we had another BBQ in our bosses backyard

This time…

I was.....

very much not aloof 

remember last time? I was quiet and avoiding everyone?

and awkward as a jellybean....

This time was like an explosion of me being me

That’s probably a good indicator that this situation 

was going to work out a little better than the last

Nate no longer thought I was aloof to his existence

or “over all of this”

I saw him as more than a ski bum 

(but I love that part of him too)

I felt like he saw me

really saw me

+ I was seeing him

and there was so much to look at

I could spend eternity seeing more and more

because he is so much of what I have always wanted to be myself

Vast and Brilliant

some of the things I saw of him at this BBQ round II

---I saw someone who loves to serve because he insisted on

cleaning up everyones dirty paper plates

--- a couple of little girls were running around annoying the heck out of everyone to get attention

they were pushing our legs off of the foot rests

stealing our food

insulting us (lol I love kids)

roasting people who challenged them

+ honestly being a couple of little $hi+s

but then...

Nate started talking to them

my creepy photo of this

they weren’t sure what to do at first

slowly they warmed up to him

they started being nice because if we are all being honest

they just didn't know how to make friends with all of the young adults around them

they (Nate and the kids)

Jumped on the tramp

made bets where the winners got a dollar from Nate

became friends

and pretty soon these girls were playfully

FIGHTING

over who got to refill his drink 

And BEGGING him to play games on the tramp with them

I was slowly dying and my uterus was SCREAMING

I saw something in particular about Nate for the first time 

something that I see all the time now

I saw a dad. 

a really good dad.

one of the silly things Nate saw in me that day, was a

piano playing “prodigy”

I can play the piano by ear which means if I have heard a song, any song,

I can sit down and play it with no practice

I showed off my little party trick after most people had left

our friend Matt sang with me while I played whatever song was suggested

It was SO fun (Matt is an incredible singer)

that night I headed to floor two of the Hyatt House Hotel 

and waited for Nate to move in to floor 3

I kept replaying in my head the look on Nate’s face as he sat on the couch

and watched me sing/play the piano

I was in the zone

(it was basically pride and prejudice in 2020)

I was being the realest version of me

not afraid

of failing

or falling

people say that your person brings out the best version of you

I think that's BULLSHIT 

every guy I’ve ever dated brought out the best version of me

what’s really special is when you find someone

that brings out the realest rawest version of you

the version that isn’t afraid of being the worst version sometimes

because we all have different versions on the spectrum of worst to best

the person that you want to be with loves you

Not in spite of the worst versions

But because they can look upon you with grace and love

When you feel your worst

as well as when you feel your best

and you can do the same for them

It’s not that he brought out the worst in me

It’s that he brought out the true in me

• the truest parts of any of us can only be brought out

If they don’t have the fear

Of sometimes being the worst

moving in

I didn’t have to wait very long because he was headed to the Hyatt House 

that night!

I went upstairs and we hung out/decorated

I’m pretty sure we watched a movie with a group of friends

and got a little cuddly…. :)

the next day was a Monday 

Cheesecake

The thing about Mondays is that they usually suck

but for me, that summer,  Mondays were an extension of my break

I didn’t work Mondays because I used the day to do as much homeworkl as possible

I was taking 13 credits in a sped up semester of only 1.5 months

As well as working a job that starts at 11 and goes until 9 sometimes 10 at night

It was INSANE 

But I had some extra time that Monday

so I made everyone dinner

at some point in our previous conversations 

I had learned that Nate loves cheesecake

so I bought a cute little mini cheesecake from

my favorite happy ghetto cafe in SLC

gourmandise

it's not so ghetto anymore admittedly

 and gave it to him when he showed up for dinner

he was beaming so I think that means he loved that I did that for him

moving forward, we spent every single night 

hanging out in his and his brothers hotel apartment

(there is a kitchen/living room and a bedroom)

we lived just an elevator ride apart

we watched movies, talked for hours after

andy went to bed, danced, joked, laughed, and had a blast.

After 5 or six nights of bliss + 2 weeks since St George,

I was wondering…

When the heck is he going to kiss me?

HEEEELLLOOOO?

One night he said something really sweet

so I leaned wayyy in there

my signal was loud and clear

I was READY TO KISS THIS BOY

but heaven forbid I make the first move…

(Feminist movement is still in progress k.)

So hints were given

(Nate’s version of this story: "She gave me no choice")

(major eyeroll)

Then..

BUTTERFLIES 

so many butterflies

there must have been a million hurricanes on the other side of the world that night

;)

DIRECTLY FROM GOOGLE:

Q. What is the butterfly effect theory?

 

Answer:

1. 

The butterfly effect is the idea that small things can have non-linear impacts on a complex system. The concept is imagined with a butterfly flapping its wings and causing a typhoon.

"I've been wanting to do that for a long time"

-Nate Witt