Monday, April 4, 2022

There's More

Yikes...


It has been an entire year since I started this journal series to document our 





Love Story


I have posted three elaborately detailed entries


but wouldn't you know?


There's more...


I'm going to try my best to stop being so wordy and get to the point 


or else


I will never get to the part where we actually get married and do


SO MANY THINGS


So here we go



-----------------------------------------


night hike




The night after our first smooch.... (gross mom)




we went on a hike






it was Ensign Peak






and it was dark outside



on the way



I was introduced to a banger by the name of Caroline




I ate a Chimichanga the size of Texas




and we went with two friends on a night hike



I don't remember kissing him on the way up the trail



but on the top of the mountain? 




Fireworks








Have you ever wanted to do something 


that you have a weird memory attached to



but with the person you are going to spend eternity with instead of the person you were with when the weird memory was made?


I call it replacing memories


because in the memory you have


either the place is great


the activity is wonderful


the scenery amazing


the food is yum



Etc.



but the person/people you were with


or the situation you were in


was not 


great 


amazing


or yum


maybe the timing was just wrong



the person was just ehh




or the situation was not great




but you still want to have a good memory associated with the good things



Well I realized this night hike that I found someone to do that with



someone to replace memories with



We looked at the stars upside down




I had done this before in a very specific situation


but on a different mountain



I had gone on this hike before



and then on a drive nearby



and left that particular night in tears




I don't mean to sound over-the-top


but I had considered calling the police that night


down the road from Ensign Peak


because of someone who didn't listen 


to the word


"No"








but with Nate? 


this mountain was magic



Replacing Memories?




when I think of Ensign Peak and laying on my back 


perpendicular to the valley below


with my head off of the cliff/hill upside down



staring at the stars 


pretending they are boats and the sky is the ocean


pretending 


that the city lights are where the beach meets the water


when I think of that


I think of Nate Witt




+ the time we did that together



and how if any tears were welling up



it's because my heart was healing up


(cheeeesyyy:)





our first picture together






my heart was smiling so dang big






on the way down from the hike we were skipping


laughing



and hanging back behind the others to



 "tie my shoe"


so that we could sneak a kiss


without the other people noticing






it wasn't a secret, it was just new







I wanted to stay in that bubble forever





in a lot of ways, I think I have.






pizza with Paul and volleyball



Around this time


 Paul from Florida came to visit









we went to lunch one Saturday at Ligoris (the best pizza in Utah)






Nate came too!






It was so fun to share a bit of my mission with Nate.



We then headed down south an hour




 to Nate's stomping grounds





to play volleyball with his friends




I didn't get to know them much because we were playing volleyball the whole time



but I knew I liked them



and I liked how much they obviously loved Nate



Most of his friends were married


so they were pretty invested in who Nate would end up with



I'm pretty sure he brought quite a few girls around to get their opinion



a few months later we went on a California trip with these friends


and one of the girls told me this:



"After you came to volleyball that first time, I knew Nate was going to marry you.


I even told my husband "I think Nate is going to marry that Ryanne-girl"


I asked her why she thought that so soon


she said


"He seemed so lit up around you. He hasn't been this attentive or happy before."




sunset and pie hole 



One night we went to my favorite park in Utah







it's right below the Capitol building and you have to hike down to it





it's so beautiful down there






temples and rivers and ponds






We watched the sunset, grabbed some electric scooters, 

and Nate introduced all of us that were there to Pie Hole 



it was YUMMY



picture a slice of pizza bigger than your face and thinner than Yzma 










Nate paid for me and a girl that was hanging out with us 


she was didn't have a date



that was really kind of him I thought


.......










this song is relatable



One of my favorite trips to the cabin



I invited a bunch of friends from our job



to go to Bear Lake and stay at the cabin






it is my absolute favorite place in the world








my family was there and so was Grandma Pat



I was excited for Grandma Pat to get to know Nate



because I have always really valued her opinion about such things






While we were playing Hand and Foot around the table 


my mom asked us what she should make for breakfast the next day



Nate said "Can I make breakfast? I love making cinnamon french toast"



We had to get up EARLY because the next day was


The Fourth Of July





if you know anything about boating on Bear Lake on the Fourth of July



you know you need to be there at the butt crack of dawn




So we got up and Nate and I made breakfast




I made eggs and he made french toast


it was yummy and my family was impressed


especially because it didn't stop there


Nate cleared the table until everything was clean


I learned a lot about how service oriented Nate is


part of me honestly wondered if it was a facade


or if it he was just putting his best foot forward 


I am one of those weirdos that thinks about the future


maybe if we got married it wouldn't be like this


so don't get your hopes up


aka


try to fall in love for other reasons



I didn't know him yet THAT well



no one really does when they marry someone



SPOILER ALERT:


even though some of my family members thought his attentiveness


 help with the boat


food


cleaning


everything 


was probably too good to be true


(and I wondered if it was)


I can assure you 


that the update is that


It is very much true



after being married almost a year and a half



I can attest that Nate is a rare gem


he helps me keep our house clean


he has done the dishes almost every time that I cook


He is even better at putting away his clothes at the end of the day than I am





ANYWAY



we went boating all day





Nate was crazy 



He asked to go on the tube by himself


and egged my dad on to drive like a bat outa hell



at one point the tube literally hit a wave and flew into the air


and flipped on top of Nate


it was crazy




then, Nate decided to try slalom water ski for the first time




he was out in the water away from the boat when my dad said


"if he gets up on the first try he can marry my daughter"




it was a HUGE joke because NO ONE gets up on their first try



absolutely NO ONE


I was actually kind of mad at my dad for saying that


because of how impossible I knew it was



but I knew he was joking



then 



Nate flipping got up



the first time



and Skied 




picture 10 people on a boat 


LOSING THEIR MINDS



My dad has boated his whole life


water skiing has been a sort of right of passage



although I am not great at it myself



and my dad said he has seen someone do that only


one. other. time.


I have a video of all of us screaming because we couldn't believe it.





"Nate is flipping cool"


That night we parked the boat 

(as much as you can park a boat without an anchor lol)


and watched the fireworks from the lake


they were beautiful and going off in all directions



we could see for miles 



we blasted songs about the statue of liberty


and boots in assess


and the American Way




then this song came on:






"I can't help falling in love with you"








Nate and I were swaying left to right on the deck of the boat


watching the fireworks everywhere


his arm was around my shoulders


mine around his waist


we were side by side




he said












"This song is relatable"










Perfectly Out of Order 










The next day was a Sunday




which meant


 back to the hotel we lived in 


so that we could be ready for work on Monday





I was hanging out with him in his hotel room, just sitting on the couch when he told me he loved me


It went something like “I have fallen in love with you”


I smiled a huge smile and hugged him, about to reply and he said “like.. I love you.”


I said “I love you too”


it was such a happy and wonderful moment


I felt like I was watching two strangers experience it 


because my heart couldn’t handle the fact that it was happening to us



we had found that special something that people will never stop talking about in the world










we found love










because I am female and was thinking a million thoughts in the background 


I thought to myself 


(somewhere in a corner that doesn’t really matter)



 “I was not expecting him to say that yet!”


If you’re not familiar with the “average” or “normal” progression of things in the state of Utah, 

and I’m not talking about a timeline but a process, 



I will enlighten you


First you usually  “hang out”


What it means when you ask someone to hang out: 


Hey who knows? I might be interested in you as more than friends, I might just want to be friends, 

I also might not know which I want, but whether I am obsessed with you, in love with you, 

in infatuation, lust, like, or wanna be in friendship with you, 


hanging out will progress our relationship as human beings. 


But I’m not going to tell you any of that. 


So you’ll just have to guess my intentions and formulate your own upon getting to know me better. 

Unless you already know, 

in which case I might be able to pick up on how you feel about me if we hang out. 

So hanging out will help me drop hints about how I want this to go, or figure out what I want, 

or vice versa.




if you decide/have decide you want to progress romantically you go on a date.


What it means when you ask someone on a date: 

Hey who knows? I obviously have some interest in you. 

Whether that is physical, emotional, social, or sexual, I want to get closer to you. 

On this date we can ask awkward questions fi we don’t really know each other, 

or we can just feel awkward and focus way too much on what we are doing without having 

any recollection of what we were doing on the date because our minds were so focused on 

which ever aspect we are liking about each other. 


Hopefully we can figure out each others intentions by the end of the night. 


Does my date want some physical closeness? 

Does my date want to get to know me better? 

Will there be a second date?

 Do I want to continue dating this person because they are attractive on the inside, outside, or both? 



Next you hold hands. This usually happens on dates 1-3


What it means if someone makes a move on you and holds your hand:

“Hey I like you. I like touching your hand. I hope you like it. 

I know you probably wouldn’t tell me if you didn’t. 

I hope you aren’t thinking to yourself that you wish I wouldn’t have held your hand. 

I hope you like it too.” 

But again… you never talk about it because it might be weird.





Then you kiss

This usually happens around date 3… but let’s be honest it usually happens earlier than that. 


You know what kissing is.


Then you continue to do activities to get to know each other on a spiritual, and physical level. 

This is when you find out the person is not just trying to get their jollies for the day and move on, 

but that they are actually interested in you. 

As a girl, you usually don’t start to ask yourself questions about if you are interested in him until this part.

 How can you let yourself become seriously interested in someone who might be

 looking for a make out session or two.. but not a future? 


So you go along with it trying to think about his intentions and if he likes you until about now. 

Once you figure that out you either decide you like them, or you don’t. 

This is why men often think women lead them on. 

They get this far into the process to figure out the guy and realize,

 it doesn’t matter because I don’t actually feel compatible with him. 

Then they stop dating the guy when he thought things were going well.



 In the minds of the guy from day one they ask themselves 

“ Do I want to be with her another minute, hour, lifetime?” “What do I want in this situation? 

Do I like her? What about her is going to get me to stick around?


Girls are only asking up until this point

 “Does he want to be around me? Does he like me? Does he think what I said was funny?

 Is he attracted to my mind or just my butt? 

Or both?”


I have a whole philosophy as to why I think this is, 

but I won’t go into that right now.



So after you both kind of figure out you like each other, 

you start to reflect on how much you want to date and like other people.


If the answer is that you don’t want to date or be romantic with other people, 

it’s time to become “Official”


“Official” means you are only interested in dating each other. 

It is the first loyalty declaration.

 If you ask someone to be your girlfriend/boyfriend you’re usually thinking

 “I want to pretend we are married for awhile in emotional ways so that I can get a feel for 

what it would be like to marry you. I want to get to know you even better. 

I want to meet your family and let my family judge you. 

I don’t actually want their advice though.. 

I just want to hear all of the reasons I made a good choice in getting in a relationship with you. 

It makes me feel confident in myself. 

If they tell me of red flags it’s because they don’t know you like I know you.

 I’ll probably ignore those, 

but I want a boost of ego so let’s spend time with my friends and family! 

I guess we can spend time with yours too.”




At some point between “officially dating” and “engaged” you say the words 

“I love you” and it’s a huge deal.


Saying  I love you means you have to be willing to not hear it back. 

You put your heart out on your sleeve and hope they reciprocate. 

Your heart is beating, you feel like you might explode with anticipation, 

but you tell yourself it’s okay if they take longer to say/feel that than you. 

Not because you really think that. 

You just tell yourself that because you know that’s the ideal way to think about it, 

and also to protect yourself from the pain and awkwardness

 that comes if they don’t say it back right away. 






If it goes well, you end up engaged.


If engagement goes well and you manage to keep your raging sexual feelings enough at bay, 

you end up.


Sealed in the Temple


Engaged means 

“Even though we were already in a committed relationship on a trial basis, 

now I want to be in a committed relationship 

that mutually agrees that it should stay that way forever. 

I am pledging myself to you forever, 

but we need some time to plan the wedding 

so we can’t just get married today.”



I will tell you all about what Sealed in the Temple means in a later post.



but that is the end goal with the one you have been looking for all of your life :)



So this is the “order” of progression.



Let’s see where Nate and I were at on this progressive list of events


Hanging out: Check


Official date: Not check. We had not been on a date lol.


 Nate would like me to point out we had done a lot of work activities together like boating, 

and eating out. We also went to the cabin with my family, 

as well as a hike and walk in the park. So those sort of count as activities, 

but under the Utah definition of a date, 

you have to actually use the word date when you ask someone to go on a date with you. 

So this had not been done. LOL


Hold hands: Check


Kiss: Double check


Officially together: not check


I love you: Check 


but here is my point






it was perfect the end. 





I love everything about they way our love story progressed


 so out of order by the usual progression of things.



You can see why I wasn’t expecting him to tell me he was in love with me. 

We hadn’t gone on a date! I wasn’t his girlfriend! 



However, I could tell he wasn’t concerned with the proper order of things




He was being honest, genuine, 

and he shared his feelings for me with me despite 

whatever standard had been laid before him



He felt love for me, so he didn’t delay


I felt that



I love hm for that


He realized a few minutes later, that he had a question to ask me


“Will you be my girlfriend”








Officially in a relationship: Check




So now you understand how it came to pass that I was in love and had a boyfriend 


with someone I had never even been on a date with. ;)







A sidetone about Nate telling me that he loved me that I found out much later:



I was and am the only girl 

(of a romantic nature)

to hear those words from Nathan Legrande Witt. 



To say it is my honor and most prized possession is the grossest understatement of my existence.


I am the only woman he has said those words to.


 He saved them for a girl he had not known long. 


I asked him if he was nervous to tell me because he had made it this long, 

wouldn’t he be extra sure it was who he was going to marry before breaking that streak?


He explained he hadn’t kept himself from saying that to a woman 

with the goal in mind of waiting until he found 

“the one”


it just happened organically


he never felt it, so he never said it


and when he did, 


he didn’t care if it worked out or not


the fact is that he felt it


so he said it


he had no regrets or worries


he had love


he had no fear


he had love


for me


and I had love for him







I couldn’t give him as precious of a gift that he gave me




I obviously have no feelings whatsoever for the people I said those three words to, 

however I have said them. 


I am not regretful of that necessarily, 

because I am who I am… and it is what it is.


“Be Grateful not Regretful”



well..


I am SO grateful/moved/blessed to know that I am Nate’s only love today, 


yesterday, and forever.




I can’t think of any better gift in the universe.


I feel special, and so d*ng blessed.


he makes me feel that way every. single. day. 



He is my forever love 


I love him more than anyone or anything in the universe





Thursday, August 26, 2021

but wait



Garden of Eden 


(summer 2020)



Going back to work up in northern Utah was uneventful




It’s not a surprise, but Nate moved both teams to the same general location to knock



It became clear that he had put me in an area with a lot of potential 



                                 I rolled up and looked at my map full of green stars




(iykyk)







Nate gave the hotel one weeks notice


I gave my parents one days notice




“Can we do a bomb/bbq and invite our team and Nate Witt’s team?”




“Who the heck is Nate Witt?”







Seth: “He is actually awesome. I want Ryanne to marry him.”




(did I mention my brother seth was working with us and around Nate and I this whole time?)



We had a bomb the next day. I was sitting in a chair around the table on a zoom class


all of the seats were taken



Nate wasn’t there yet



my dad had the smoked bomb on the table ready to eat



(a bomb is meat inside of meat inside of cheese 

wrapped in bacon smoked and cut to perfection)


It became apparent that I would have to leave the room


in order to hear my class better










so I stood up just as Nate walked in










when I came back, I expected Nate to be sitting at the table where I had been






I didn’t leave anything to save my spot


and had to leave for my class anyway





Instead I saw Nate sitting at the counter near the table


but all by himself



everyone else had a seat at the table



In that split second when he came in, he had noticed where I had been sitting







despite my mom inviting him to sit at the table, he politely refused



keeping that last spot open for me 



if it isn’t at all obvious... I pay attention to details



soak them up and keep them close





I think this experience helped me to know that he pays attention to details too





he chose to sit at the counter by himself instead of at the table with everyone else



for me


I came back into the room and saw him



I looked and my spot was still empty




I knew what had happened


and I felt so gloriously silly and happy all at once







that might sound vain if you think that I was happy because I didn't want to sit alone






But that isn't the case at all! 



I was simply happy because when I give 100 percent to a relationship

(friends and partners alike)



I do things like that



so I knew that I could give my best


+


 get the same sort of best right back at me 




at the same time







--------------



Tree Tunnels






My homework suffered that week because I was anxious for Nate to move in




I sold well, I just had butterflies in my head as well as my heart





One night, I was up doing homework.

 It was the end of the summer semester and I was feeling it





So dang tired




This was the first long conversation Nate and I ever had




I told him what I was doing (some huge final assignment) and how tired I was



He told me he was going to stay up with me to keep me awake and

asked if he could help me In any other way





I said keeping me awake would be more than great




He asked me a deep question about what makes me love life



I sent him a link to an amazing personality test so that I could over analyze his results later



https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test



I learned that he is the “Campaigner” personality 


which happens to be the exact personality that I am


(some people say opposites attract… but I guess they are wrong)


I read what the section about romance said, and he said that it was creepily accurate




Me:  I can see that it’s accurate


Him: how?


Me: I then listed all of the positive things that were on there

and how I noticed those in him.










We talked until 3 in the morning





I don’t remember what time I finished my homework




but I do remember telling him that tree tunnels are one of the things on my list of


“Things that make me instantly happy”






Which leads me to what happened the next day






“Roll Call” in the two-team group chat




Nate Witt:












enough said.
















Boating Incentive







That week of the “weeks notice” I saw Nate almost everyday at some point.





As an office, we were working to hit a goal

so that we could all take the coming Saturday off and go boating with our boss








It was so motivating, that the office went way over what we were supposed to do

in order to go boating




My roommate friend and I drove to the designated place to park next to the lake




We got in a line to pay for parking



Looked ahead




And saw Nate Witt paying for parking and pointing to our car





It didn’t surprise me when I pulled up to pay and the lady said 



“You are covered”






I was melting because HOW SWEET was it of him to think of 

paying for MY OUR parking?





Soon, our boss told us he had two jet skis rented



So I volunteered to go with Nate Witt to pick them up




We had a blast zipping around the lake



It felt like a date from The Bachelor 




We sprayed each other with water



Took turns surfing later on the boat



And had the best dang day



At one point this man was sitting next to me on the boat




+ he put his arm around me












he gave me a squeeze every once in a while to "keep me warm"



it was then that I realized something


St. George week was not just a fling for him



It’s one thing to cuddle up and hold hands when no one is awake/around




                            or spend a night texting until 3 in the morning (aka booty call hours)




and a completely other thing on a boat full of very awake people




+ your boss 



It felt good to know that










the next night we had another BBQ in our bosses backyard


This time…



I was.....







very much not aloof 










remember last time? I was quiet and avoiding everyone?


and awkward as a jellybean....






This time was like an explosion of me being me





That’s probably a good indicator that this situation 



was going to work out a little better than the last




Nate no longer thought I was aloof to his existence


or “over all of this”





I saw him as more than a ski bum 


(but I love that part of him too)




I felt like he saw me





really saw me





+ I was seeing him





and there was so much to look at









I could spend eternity seeing more and more




because he is so much of what I have always wanted to be myself
















Vast and Brilliant















some of the things I saw of him at this BBQ round II





---I saw someone who loves to serve because he insisted on

cleaning up everyones dirty paper plates





--- a couple of little girls were running around annoying the heck out of everyone to get attention





they were pushing our legs off of the foot rests



stealing our food



insulting us (lol I love kids)



roasting people who challenged them



+ honestly being a couple of little $hi+s






but then...





Nate started talking to them





my creepy photo of this





they weren’t sure what to do at first




slowly they warmed up to him




they started being nice because if we are all being honest


they just didn't know how to make friends with all of the young adults around them





they (Nate and the kids)

Jumped on the tramp




made bets where the winners got a dollar from Nate




became friends



and pretty soon these girls were playfully



FIGHTING



over who got to refill his drink 




And BEGGING him to play games on the tramp with them



I was slowly dying and my uterus was SCREAMING





I saw something in particular about Nate for the first time 





something that I see all the time now







I saw a dad. 


a really good dad.









one of the silly things Nate saw in me that day, was a



piano playing “prodigy”







I can play the piano by ear which means if I have heard a song, any song,


I can sit down and play it with no practice





I showed off my little party trick after most people had left




our friend Matt sang with me while I played whatever song was suggested



It was SO fun (Matt is an incredible singer)










that night I headed to floor two of the Hyatt House Hotel 





and waited for Nate to move in to floor 3



I kept replaying in my head the look on Nate’s face as he sat on the couch




and watched me sing/play the piano



I was in the zone




(it was basically pride and prejudice in 2020)





I was being the realest version of me




not afraid



of failing



or falling






people say that your person brings out the best version of you






I think that's BULLSHIT 





every guy I’ve ever dated brought out the best version of me




what’s really special is when you find someone



that brings out the realest rawest version of you




the version that isn’t afraid of being the worst version sometimes




because we all have different versions on the spectrum of worst to best




the person that you want to be with loves you



Not in spite of the worst versions



But because they can look upon you with grace and love



When you feel your worst



as well as when you feel your best


and you can do the same for them



It’s not that he brought out the worst in me




It’s that he brought out the true in me



  • the truest parts of any of us can only be brought out


If they don’t have the fear


Of sometimes being the worst




moving in


I didn’t have to wait very long because he was headed to the Hyatt House 


that night!




I went upstairs and we hung out/decorated











I’m pretty sure we watched a movie with a group of friends



and got a little cuddly…. :)



the next day was a Monday 






Cheesecake



The thing about Mondays is that they usually suck



but for me, that summer,  Mondays were an extension of my break




I didn’t work Mondays because I used the day to do as much homeworkl as possible



I was taking 13 credits in a sped up semester of only 1.5 months


As well as working a job that starts at 11 and goes until 9 sometimes 10 at night



It was INSANE 




But I had some extra time that Monday



so I made everyone dinner







at some point in our previous conversations 


I had learned that Nate loves cheesecake




so I bought a cute little mini cheesecake from


my favorite happy ghetto cafe in SLC




gourmandise









it's not so ghetto anymore admittedly







 and gave it to him when he showed up for dinner




he was beaming so I think that means he loved that I did that for him




moving forward, we spent every single night 


hanging out in his and his brothers hotel apartment



(there is a kitchen/living room and a bedroom)





we lived just an elevator ride apart




we watched movies, talked for hours after

andy went to bed, danced, joked, laughed, and had a blast.





After 5 or six nights of bliss + 2 weeks since St George,




I was wondering…






When the heck is he going to kiss me?




HEEEELLLOOOO?





One night he said something really sweet


so I leaned wayyy in there




my signal was loud and clear





I was READY TO KISS THIS BOY





but heaven forbid I make the first move…


(Feminist movement is still in progress k.)



So hints were given





(Nate’s version of this story: "She gave me no choice")




(major eyeroll)





Then..











BUTTERFLIES 





so many butterflies


















there must have been a million hurricanes on the other side of the world that night













;)






DIRECTLY FROM GOOGLE:

Q. What is the butterfly effect theory?

 

Answer:

  1. Image result for the butterfly effect

The butterfly effect is the idea that small things can have non-linear impacts on a complex system. The concept is imagined with a butterfly flapping its wings and causing a typhoon.








"I've been wanting to do that for a long time"


-Nate Witt