In The Great Wide Somewhere: Don’t Be Delicate

One of my very favorite quotes goes exactly like this

Don’t be delicate be vast and brilliant

The past few months have been nothing but

Vast

And

BRILLIANT

the last time I updated this thing was in what.. October.

Since that trip to Disneyland

I’ve seen a lot of things

Experienced and learned

And done what everyone I hope gets to do everyday of their individual-lives

Grow

I went to Texas and it was quite the awakening to a new dawn and a new day

I retired my awkward self and retained just enough of it to still be me

I got seasick and tan and ate a lot of food in Mexico on a big boat.

“shot shot shots”

I met an incredible person on a Tuesday, then met about 7 different more persons within the next 7 days and stuck with the first one.

I went to like 3 weddings

Had my first home-from-my-mission kiss

(auto correct tried to change that to kids.. but I caught it just in time.. I did not have my first kids..)

I moved back to SUU city after a long hard scary debate with myself and a reconnection to God

I met more soulmates, the word roommate doesn’t do them justice

I almost had two boyfriends and I’ve never even had one before..

I made a choice

All my best friends are now home

Spring break featuring beaches Disneyland and at the end of that break began one of the worst weeks of my life

(I went to the ER twice. I’ve never even ever been there once before that)

I got an Indian mom

I got a job. THEE job.

And after summarizing so much into this short list it begs the question... need I say more?

And the answer to that question is a

Massive

huge

big

gigantic

YES

yes need I say more

More, I need to say

So let’s start with the top.

Texas

“All my exes live in Texas”

Well mine don’t, but my best friend Maddie does so I had to get my fanny out there to visit her.

Texas is big and beautiful and loud and southern and bbq and cowboys football.

Texas chews up and spits out returned missionaries a little bit

I was feeling pretty out of my norm when the first night there, Mads helped me sneak into a bar because I didn’t have my I.d.

(It wasn’t like that)

You see, Matt Stefanina (famous choreographer and winner of TV game show Amazing Race) was in town and collaborating with a certain Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders boyfriend, and needed two lovely DCC assistants to help him out. Naturally Mads was asked to be in his video, and naturally they all made plans to go to dinner.

Fun fact: on my dance team in high school we competed in California and went to one of Matt’s classes before he was super famous, so I was kind of obsessed with his work since then.

Well I flew in that day and Maddie casually told me as she picked me up, that we were about to go eat with the now famous Matt Stefanina who I had been following since I took his class.

“You can’t fangirl” -Maddie

Lol I was like a fish out of water.

But I had so much fun, Matt is super kind, and his cousins strange friend tried to hit on me for a long time and I was more concerned about sharing the gospel with him because he was drunk.

The next few days flew by, highlights were the amazing bbq I ate and obviously

THE GAME

Holy Cow-Boys

That stadium was pure energy

I cried more than once

Because of pure elation that’s why

I also wanted to make the Eagles fans sitting behind us cry because they were literally the worst humanity has to offer.

Ugh.

Anyway I had such a great time with the lovely Madeline

————————

As far as boys and dating goes, the first little while of my post mission life my love life was MIA

As far as jobs go, I had the absolute best job I could possibly have at that time in my life.

A substitute teacher.

I love those kids.
I want to be a teacher when I “grow up” ;)
It’s hard to find an eternal companion at an elementary school. Probably actually impossible.
But what about the singles ward you were attending Ryanne?
No.
What about college?
I was taking classes to get my foot in the door before moving to cedar..
Also I was awkward
But eventually I was unofficially labeled as “out of the awkward stage”

Thank you Tate you’re a gem.

(Also I know that list makes no sense.. but I like lists)

It was this proclamation..

“Congrats Ryanne you’re officially out of the awkward stage”

...that inspired me to try &. “put myself out there.”

It took 3 fetching months.

But I did it.

So what do you do when you’re about to move to Cedar City and the only person you have gone on a date with decides to try to take advantage of your impending depart to 4-hours-away by being slightly toolish and only wanting to make jokes about kissing and never wanting to actually go on a date, just “hit it and quit it?”

Well you give him a fat piece of your mind by impulsively replying to his demeaning texts by saying this when he asks you if you’re mad after you told him you don’t know him well enough to go hot tubbing and he cancels the date he’s been talking about for three weeks because I was unwilling to be alone with him in a swimsuit that I’m sure he was hoping was much more revealing than anything I own anyway.

-did you follow that-

“To be quite honest no. I’m not mad at you. I’m just a little let down and that’s not your fault. I really don’t know you enough to direct any kind of negativity towards you, but I know enough to be disappointed. I can’t blame you, because really you don’t know me well enough to know that I’m nice to have around for more than cuddling and selfies. (He asked me to send him selfies because he doesn’t have a snapchat and wanted to see my “face more often”) You probably also don’t know me well enough to know that I’m smart enough to pick up the fact that (personal info I won’t share to be respectful of his identity)

He promptly said something like “Sorry I don’t think this is going to go anywhere I wish you the best.”

Lol.. that’s a much longer story but you get the gist of it.

So going back to my original question.. pardon that side novel..

What do you do in that situation?

You ask Miki for advice and she says

“Get Mutual”

“....... no”

You see I’d been making fun of my best friends for participating in mutual for about 3 months now

There was no way I was finna be a hypocrite and begin that journey with Mormon Tinder to find dates

...

10 minutes later I was swiping up and swiping down like a pro

on a trial basis..

according to Miki’s advice

“Just get it for a couple of days”

Lol at online dating

It was that very night

The first night I downloaded it

That I distinctly remember seeing a handsome man with a fish in his hands, and in another picture holding a volleyball wearing a shirt with hamburgers printed all over it, making a silly pose with a smolder on his face.

Of course I swiped up and low and behold it was a match, meaning he had swiped up too

Now I’m not going to go into all the details of that situation. I’ll save those for another post, but that was in November or December ish...

So moving on ;)

Have you ever heard of that saying “I’m on cloud nine”

Boats for me, are cloud nine

“I’m on boat nine” just doesn’t sound as good

Whenever I’m on any sort of apparatus that goes in the water

A canoe

A boat

A kayak

A boat

Heck even a blow up floating bed in the pool

I’m a happy person

Mostly I just love water

As proof I have a water bottle I just purchased from Walmart that says

“I need vitamin sea” with a mermaid on it.

(Your welcome for the salesmanship Walmart, I fully expect you to pay for whatever I want from now on)

Aaaaannnyyywwwaaayy

The family and I went on a cruise

On the same boat that Miki, Chancey, and I was on for our senior trip.

What a coincidence.

Not just the same cruise line people.. the actual same boat, different ports.

It was a hoot I tell ya.

Did some scuba, ate some food, threw up one day while the fam went ashore, and had a blast overall.

Y’all

What I’m about to tell you is actually kind of embarrassing, and in a very prideful way: one of the most legendary weeks of my life.

Have you ever seen 7 brides for 7 brothers? If I had to title this certain week in my life it would be this:

7 guys for 7 days

Or how to lose 6 guys in 7 days.

Okay let’s get down to the nitty gritty

I went on 7-9 dates in 6-7 days

I don’t remember the exact details

It was all a blur

But I know two of the days I had two dates each and the rest were about 1 a day

Lol...

Literally never had 7 dates in 7 months so idk what the fetch was happening

To avoid talking negatively about any single human being I will instead make a pros and cons list for all you boys out there that want to know what to do and what not to do when you take a girl out FOR THE FIRST TIME. Or simply, what I learned. These pointers are strictly from this certain week, not my whole life.

Do: be down to do anything and realize even if it’s out of the normal or weird, as long as you get to know each other it’s going to be fun. If she doesn’t have fun with simple first dates you don’t wanna be with her anyway.

Don’t: leave without giving her a hug ;)

Do: Kick her butt at ping pong.

Don’t: Be two hours late.

Do: Keep talking to her even if she’s moving to Cedar City the next week, because if you do, she will end up marrying you for it.

Don’t: friend-zone in the middle of the date... in a very obvious way..

Don’t: talk to her on the phone for two hours the night before about how much you love broadway musicals. Don’t obsess over your obsession so much that she can’t really get a word in.. because then she won’t wanna go out with you the next day but she will to be nice but that’s actually rude because she doesn’t wanna spend your money

Don’t: take her to eat somewhere far away. You never know if you won’t want to keep talking to her for that long. It’s a first date and stuff..

Don’t: ask her how serious she is about her education and if she would consider giving it up for kids. Why? Because her kids deserve an educated mother. Whether or not she has a career.

Do: I guess ask her that so that you can realize ASAP that you are not on the same page.

Do: be a genuine good listener.

(Not all of these dates were nightmares)

Do: Simply be kind.

Do: take her to her favorite pizza place and let her have the left overs.

Do: give her good advice.

Do: meet her half way if you live far away.

Don’t: lie about how tall you are..

Don’t: call her ever again. lol. Okay maybe you should actually, but in this case it was alright that he didn’t.

(Side note: all these don’ts are not limited to just the guy.. I did some of them.. )

Do: be fetching FUN

Do: give good hugs and if you do a double date, make sure the people you’re with are inclusive. Especially if she doesn’t know any of you.

Don’t: group date for the first date if she doesn’t know anyone.. that’s the literal worst.

Do: unknowingly or knowingly take her somewhere with a lot of meaning. I love the ocean and all things water/sea animals. So an aquarium was perfect.

Do: be unique and fun. Who knows you might end up in an arcade killing pirate skeletons together and laughing your literal heads off.

Ladies.. don’t end the date early so that you can go to Jumanji with your dad, especially if your date drove about an hour to pick you up and go on the date because he lives so far away.. and that’s literally so rude. You’ll regret it. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Don’t: pretend that you like authentic ethnic foods. It’s fine if you don’t, own it and be honest. If you lie about that you might find yourself struggling to explain in a Japanese restaurant why you don’t know what tofu is. Or anything about chopsticks. It’s much better to be honest than to try to be impressive or have something in common with the person you’re trying to impress. At the end of the date, it’s more impressive to be honest.

Don’t: try to make a move in the theatre. It’s a first date. Need I say more..

Don’t: make her sing with you at the top of your lungs to blasted music in your car when fifteen minutes ago she told you she had better get home, because she felt a cold coming on and was getting a headache.

Don’t: sit in her driveway until 1am and stall in her garage when you know she’s feeling sick and tired and needs to go to bed.

Do: call her while you’re in New York the whole week and Snapchat her and let her pick you up from your friends house after the airport to take you home at midnight. You might end up talking to her for two more hours and saying “I don’t want to get out of this car. I don’t even know you and I don’t want to leave.”

She just might feel the same way.

...

Immediately after that insane week I received an opportunity

I had of course been substituting and loving it. Well an opening in the middle of the year came out of nowhere. I was invited to take the position.

My dream job at 21.

I would be a teacher starting in January.

Holy. Actual. Hannah.

I wrestled and I wrestled because the fact is that I had only recently registered for all my classes paid for them and paid for my apartment.

+ I love SUU

I know that when we are to make a decision we must first

“Study it out” in our minds

Never have I ever done that as extensively as I did at this point in my life.

Going on a mission? It kind of just felt right and fell in to place.

That has been the case with a lot of decisions I’ve had to make. They just felt right.

Well nothing felt right in this one.

I decided to take the job, and prayed about it in the temple.

I felt sick as soon as I stepped out of the door even though I felt like it was the right choice with a prompting and everything while still inside.

What?

How does that make sense.

Eventually after asking every family member over the age of 16 for their advice and opinion... I decided not to take the job and go back to school for my associates degree.

Immediately it was as if a load was lifted off of my shoulders.

I knew it was the right choice no matter how much it didn’t make sense.

Still confused as to why in the temple I felt the confidence to decide to take the job? I prayed and realized that sometimes God let’s us take the wrong road for a minute to hit a dead end and know with assurance that the other path is what will lead you home.

Elder Holland talks about this.

I also felt the inspiration that this experience was going to help me to make even more important decisions in the future. It has indeed even now.

I know that if I feel as if a burden has been lifted, that that is the right decision. If I feel anxious or uncomfortable at the thought of the outcome of a certain decision, I know it is wrong.

It’s brilliant and wonderful. When we do our part to make a decision, God helps us know if it is the best possible outcome in ways that teach us the most and help us do even more important things with those skills in the future.

.......

I kindly turned down the offer and stated that I did not want to burn any bridges, and that I was interested in a job similar the coming year.

Then I went back to Southern Utah University to find out why it was the right choice.

(I was hoping it was to meet the one.. why else would I need to go back?)

-My roommates. I cannot begin to describe the impact they each made on me. I am so grateful for the late night talks, moments of profound life wisdom found in deep conversations and long car rides. Valaries Taco shop. Temple Thursday, and all the nonstop talking about boys. Camp Dopedy Dope, and the Babe Cave have such a special place in my heart.

I also met one of my best friends: Megan. I’ll tell you more about her in the London post.

“We’re going to London.”

There are many things I learned to prepare me better to be a wonderful teacher. One thing I learned was that even though I really enjoyed my classes, there really is no better way to learn than by doing. I learned far more from substitute teaching than I did learning about computer science and nutrition.

more on this later, but I did not “meet” the one in Cedar City. However, because I was there, I had the opportunity to fall in love.

——

SPRING BREAK 2k18

Con Baes

Well Lindsey fetching Rendon came home!!!! 🙏🏻🙏🏽🙏🏿

My heart was so happy.

Literally a week later linds wall and I hopped in a car and headed to the land of sun, salty water, and Disney.

We swam even though it was freezing

#yoco

At the end of the Disneyland day (we were there when it opened, stayed all day, left when it closed)

I went to the nurses station because I did not feel good

I had a fever of 105 degrees she told me

(Number gets higher each time I tell this story, some say it was actually 102)

Well over the course of the next few days I went to the emergency room twice and the Instacare twice and between all of that and throwing up they finally figured out I had....

Influenza A
Tonsillitis
Strep throat
Pharyngitis

Yay.

After a couple of weeks I was back on my feet. It was so strange, I am blessed with the best though. My roommates helped me out until my mom could drive down and take care of me somewhere else (I was quarantined)

I’m so grateful to my roomies and my mom for being so kind and considerate and being willing to do anything to help me feel better. I felt so loved by them 💕

Especially mom, you rock 🤟🏻

Between coming home for weddings and homecomings and my boyfriend (I promise I’ll tell the whole story, he just deserves a whole post about it)

I came home a lot and realized it was time to move back north.

SUU TAUGHT ME SO MUCH