In The Great Wide Somewhere: & So She Did

& So She Did

Well this is it

the last Monday on my mission!

{My sweet friends at the old folks home gave me going away gifts}

Next Monday I have an Institute class in the AM in Ogden, Utah

I wish I had some profound way to express my feelings

a beautiful poem, or lyrics from a song

I wish I could just let my heart jump out and tell you itself how it feels.

I would love to be able to switch brains with all of you reading this, just for a moment, so that you can understand what exactly this mission has brought to me-

-to remember everything that I have felt, experienced,

and to see how much I love these people!

They say a picture is worth a thousand words

there is no picture I can think of that would help me at this moment

and even ten thousand of the most creative, unique, and beautiful words strung together could not convey

just exactly

how I feel

what I have learned

who I Love

Where I've been

why I am eternally grateful for this gift to me from the Lord, that is my mission

but I will try

I know that Yoda says there is no try, only do

but Elder Holland says that we get credit for trying

so as much as I love Yoda, I'm going to have to go with Elder Holland on this subject :)

How I Feel

Well, I feel like there are quite a few feelings that are playing tug of war with my brain and heart

I'm just as curious as the next person as to which will win, or if they will all settle down,

or if I just feel everything and nothing all at once

sometimees it's:

denial

sadness

sorrow

anxiety

fear

lost

acceptance

but MOSTLY

I feel at peace.

happiness

joy

grattitude

humility

honored

loved

appreciative

clean

whole

excited

ready

complete

fulfilled

calm

assured

refined

light

alive

fresh

acceptance

focused

determined

faithful

confident

hope

I feel Hope

I feel the Spirit of God testifying to me that I have indeed done a great work

that it is not mine that I did, but the Lords, and that He helped me to accomplish all that He had in store for me and those I have served at this time.

I feel that these things are going to make all the difference in the rest of my life, that the mission truly has been my MTC (training) for life

that I am always going to remember the feelings of the Spirit, His rescues from my storms, the times I have felt alone, burdened, saddened, depressed, and He turned those to joy, peace, love, assurance, and comfort.

I feel grattitude that I have had the physical, mental, and emotional ability to serve, that the service I have rendered with strength, was not my strength alone, but my strength in the Lords.

It is a blessing that I have been accounted as one worthy to represent my Savior Jesus Christ the Redeemer of the world

that in spite of past feelings of regret remorse of sin and being harrowed up

through repentance made possible by Jesus Himself, I have been not only worthy but I have felt comfortable to be His servant and to follow His footsteps more closely than ever before in my life.

I feel the strength of the atonement of Jesus Christ and have every single day in my life and the lives of all who heard His voice through me.

I feel joy at the prospect of sharing my increased desire to follow the Savior, to serve my family, to love my neighbor, to be a friend, to magnify my calling, and repent when I fall short in all of those categories

because I know I will

but I know how to recommit and to begin again and change through Him!

I feel JOY

I am so beyond blessed. I feel I could explode at any given moment. I feel the words

"Well done thou good and faithful servant."

Matthew 25:21

Not because I was perfect, but because I know it was worth it.

The "sacrifice"

the tears and the heart ache, to be honest:

outnumbered the good happy feelings.

but the JOY so far outweighed the bad that I feel I can do nothing more at this point but look to my God in praise and look to my future in testimony as I continue to share this light to all I can.

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What I've Learned

I suspect that this question can't be accurately answered

first because I don't think I have the capability to evaluate just every nook and cranny of my being, or recognize how each has benefited from these many months

and also because

the things I have learned from my missionary experience do not have a cap when I am released.

I will continue to learn things from these days for the rest of my life.

There are so many lessons to be learned each day on a mission, that I have learned each day, that my flesh could not have possibly retained all of it

but line upon line

I will continue to reflect and build using current experiences and the many lessons I have yet to learn from my mission.

Of the lessons that I have retained and learned

these are priceless to me and can be summed up into one sentance

I learned what I taught

Doctrine and Covenants chapter 50

17 Verily I say unto you, he that is ordained of me and sent forth to preach the word of truth by the Comforter, in the Spirit of truth, doth he preach it by the Spirit of truth or some other way?

18 And if it be by some other way it is not of God.

19 And again, he that receiveth the word of truth, doth he receive it by the Spirit of truth or some other way?

20 If it be some other way it is not of God.

21 Therefore, why is it that ye cannot understand and know, that he that receiveth the word by the Spirit of truth receiveth it as it is preached by the Spirit of truth?

22 Wherefore, he that preacheth and he that receiveth, understand one another, and both are edified and rejoice together.

This might be cliche

but some of the most important spiritual truths the Lord has taught me are the very truths He has taught through me to his children here in the Florida Tallahassee mission.

I have learned by the words I have spoken and thoughts I have thought from the Spirit, that God truly is our loving Heavenly Father.

That He desires to speak with us, and listen to our deepest desires through prayer and study. That study is made possible because of prophets who received revelation to write the holy scriptures, and the prophets today that continue to reveal our preparedness plan for the coming of the Savior, this plan of preparedness is known because of the on going restoration that began this dispensation through Joseph Smith.

It began out of Gods own mouth to Joseph with the words, "Joseph, this is my beloved Son. Hear Him." The Book of Mormon is true. God's plan for us to obtain all His knowledge and abilities is real. That plan would not be possible if not for our Savior who loved us enough to sacrifice Himself for our sins to satisfy the demands of justice, and overcome the grave for us to obtain Immortality and Eternal life. He still loves us.

We cannot even fathom the joy that we will feel as we are received into the Celestial Kingdom someday to live with God the Father, Jesus Christ, and our families for eternity to increase forever. Not in knowledge, but in the continued purpose of bringing to pass immortality and eternal life to our own children forever and ever. Oh how grateful I am to have learned these truths by the feelings of His Spirit.

More than that, I have learned that my relationship with Him offers the sweetest kind of solace to my heartaches, loneliness, and weaknesses.

The song of redeeming love, I have sang it, and each time it is just as sweet and pure.

I cherish the sacred moments, often tearful and on my knees, that I have been able to submit to the will of the Father. A peace washes over me, and I become more whole.

I know that there must be opposition, but that every time I choose to have faith, my faith is strengthened to overcome and I learn and grow. The adversary wants us to falter just as badly as Christ wants us to succeed, they both work hard, but I have learned to navigate the many voices, and better listen and act on the promptings that are of God.

I know that HE LIVES

that He died for us!

It was Jesus Christ who was slain

the First and the last

Messiah

Savior

Redeemer

Master

Son of Man of Holiness

and that knowledge of His great atoning sacrifice,

is the beginning, middle, end, and everywhere in between of everything I am

and everything I can become.

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Who I Love

I LOVE THE SOUTH

AND I LOVE MY UTAH FAMILY

I LOVE MY SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST

that can sum up pretty much everyone I love, but do you think I am satisfied with that?

of course not

in no special order

these first few groups are the people that I love that I did not even know I loved until I came here because the veil made it next to impossible to remember most of them

GULF BREEZE

Paul

Paula

Lexi/Matt/Kids

Chandler

Baxters

Vicki

Bishop Moss and his wife

Bradburys

Stubbs

Hogans

Sis. Wheeler

Peggy

Brenda

Hannah/Jer Bear

CRESTVIEW

Ashley + Fam

Cherry and Johnny

Marry and Von

Edana

Nelsons

Corliss'

Deloris

Howe

Loraine

Tews

Angelica

Quan

Fetters

Joe

Jennifer

BREWTON

Diane

Johnny and Rhoda and the fam

Kat and Peggy and Aidan

Curtis and Rachel

Brenda and Roland

Alex

Potters

Sis. Field

Taylors

Bel-"Ding Dongs"

Wade aka brother Hyrum and Danielle the eye expert

Makayla

Christy and Chloe and Mary

President Sumrall

Wiggins

MoM and DoD

The librarian and her assistant

Mr. Hodges

Kenna

Andersons

The lady that offered to let me milk her cow

MISSIONARIES (past and current)

President and Sister Smith the 1st

President and Sister Smith the 2nd

Elder and Sister Wilde, Judy was a tender mercy from God

Elder and Sister Mangum who were my MTC buds and are now in my stake (see you soon;)

Sister Wright, and Elder Labrum who kept me healthy and bug bite poison free

Sis. Christiansen (trainer, taught me the Christlike attribute of knowledge)

Sis. Pyper (Trainee, taught me the Christlike attribute of Patience)

Sis. Housel (future roommate and bestie for restie)

Sis. White (White washed comp, taught me the Christlike attribute of Hope)

Sis. Baker (Comp taught me the Christlike attribute of Obedience)

Sis. Jamison (Comp taught me the Christlike attribute of Virtue)

Sis. Petersen (comp for 4 days, taught me the Christlike attribute of Humility)

Sis. Fast (Sister trainee comp taught me the Christlike attribute of Charity)

Sis. Palmer (Comp taught me the Christlike attribute of Diligence)

Sis. Jensen (basically comps, and my saving grace)

Sis. Delgado (my favorite Mexican that teaches me how to fight)

(There are many more sisters this is just top of my head)

Elders:

Sanders

Smith

Hollinger

Wood

Chamberlain

Langston

Bowman

Nunez

Delamar

Owens

Casper

Moser

UTAH FAMILY

Mom. You're a saint. I think you might be perfect. That is my educated guess. You wrote me every single week sent me goodies in the mail and prayed for me and my people everyday.

Dad. You gave me a lot of advice, prayers, and you provided me a vision by sharing your mission stories and legacy with me all my life.

Siblings, thanks for writing me and loving me.

Grandparents thank you for your prayers for the people I've served, and letters and emails have strengthened me and others. Thank you for the packages too:)

cousins, aunts, and uncles

(the ones I have left bc uncle rob is "excommunicating" them left and right) --inside joke

thank you for taking the chastisement and improving;) lol I love ya'll so much, and your examples of stellar missionary service has helped me to "stay green"

other cousins aunts and uncles

your letters emails treats in the mail and words of encouragement/putting names on the temple prayer roll made/make a world of a difference, I love you!

FRIENDS

Wallace #nunaddition

Miki

Sis. Curtis

Sister Rendon

Shay

Mass

Miller

TRP esp. the Pansy

Ja-RED

Thank Ya'll For your prayers, advice, scriptures, testimonies, and love.

Jesus Christ

Thank you for carrying me, and inviting me to walk in your foot steps. Even the hard ones.

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Where I've Been

MTC= 13 days Provo Ut. Start: FEB 03 2016

The Deep Suthurnest Part of The South The Florida Tallahassee Mission Start: Feb 16 2016

"You have been called to preach the gospel in the southern drawl language. There are many different dialects, but the only proper noun is:

Ya'll"

Pensacola Stake=12 months

Fort Walton Stkte= 7.5

~~~

Gulf Breeze FL= 6 Mos

Crestview (Crestucky) FL= 7.5 Mos

Brewton (Brew-Town) AL= 6 Mos

TCC, Tally, mlc, exchanges etc

and the end is nigh

Thursday August 24th= Beginning a new chapter in the life story of Sister Ryanne Saunders

grits gators grease deep fried chicken crawfish boils fish fry nanner pudding mac n cheese sweet tea, but not for me, funeral processions hurricanes tornados rainstorms heat lightening fire ants bugs upon bugs upon bugs roaches termites blisters callouses more churches than people beautiful sunsets and sunrises humidity summer from March to December beautiful beaches swamps Spanish moss church bells trains pound cake collard greens fried okra catfish cole slaw boats roll tide roll

it would also be important to note this sacred place I have been that can be described in the hymn "Where can I turn for peace":

He answers privately,

Reaches my reaching

In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend.

Gentle the peace He finds for my beseeching.

Constant He is and kind,

Love without end."

Where Can I Turn For Peace/Be Still My Soul

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1J4Fa1e31w

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Why I'm Eternally Grateful

If all of that above doesn't answer this question, maybe this will.

I am grateful because I have learned about creation. That my greatest creation is me. That if I am to create myself, I must allow God to do it through me and my will.

I have learned that helping others create themselves through Christ is the most rewarding, wonderful thing in the world. A work that will not end Thursday, or ever.

I will build on Christ my foundation, and I will help others to build themselves too.

I am also extremely grateful for the note in which I have been so blessed to end on and that is:

The baptism of Rhoda and Johnny last Tuesday, they were so happy and filled with light. Yesterday was also especially memorable as they recieved the Gift of The Holy Ghost.

Brenda the investigator whom I taught a year ago in Gulf Breeze, who gave us facials in her spa, was also baptized, on Saturday, and confirmed yesterday. I got to talk to her on the phone.

Chloe was baptized yesterday after church and confirmed, and her mother has started listening to our lessons/teaching them herself. She has decided to come back to the church after leaving so many years ago. So has Chloes grandma. They were all aglow yesterday.