In The Great Wide Somewhere

First of all I have a wish

a birthday wish

the happy kind

a big ol' happy birthday wish for my Grandpa Lyle who was born on this day!

I was only 21 months when he died of cancer.

I miss him even though I have maybe 2 memories of him, and one of those was at his funeral.

I have heard stories, seen tears as memories are shared by those who knew him best, and felt his presence as I have served this mission of life, not just the mission of full-time missionary in the FTM~Florida Tallahassee Mission.

I am very grateful for his impact on my life in ways seen and unseen!

I am even more grateful for the savior who broke the bands of death that made it possible for me to see my Grandpa Lyle again someday.

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I have some other very exciting news that brings me to tears

many of you are aware of the tragic plain crash that took place a couple of weeks ago

the Huffakers have been in my prayers, and the prayers of many.

They had two missionaries out

Sister Huffaker who graduated with me and was in my first grade class

and Elder Huffaker who was here

just a couple of weeks out in the Florida Tallahassee Mission.

Well he went home to take care of things with the funeral

and has decided to come back this Saturday and serve the rest of his mission for the Lord and in honor of his parents who will be helping him from the other side of the veil.

My heart is full. How incredible. May God bless that family continually, I know his sacrifice will bring about great miracles, changes of heart, my own testimony was added to today hearing that news.

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Tuesday we got dropped by Sue, that was heartbreaking.

"I thank you for changing my life Sisters. I pray everyday now, I feel closer to God. I just feel led another way. This is not for me at this time."

We cried and bore testimony and assured her of our love for her

but it hurt like it always does.

God allows us to feel how He feels when one of His children chooses other paths to try to find Him.

Sometimes I am grateful for that pain because it tells me that I care and love something/someone.

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Reading my journal right now to decide what to include and this literal quote from yours truly is what I found

"Met some goober snoobers today."

sometimes I am so tired while writing things in this journal of mine...

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Okay ya'll I have a story

the title of this story is either

"What to Do When All Hell Breaks Lose: For Dummies"

"Decisions Determine Matrimony"

after you read it you can let me know which is more fitting, I'll tally up a voting board, generate a pie chart, and do some math

(Ha!)

Went to Curtis and Rachels to figure out some stuff

According to our knowledge at that time, there is a three day wait in order to use a marriage license and they are 80 dollars in the state of FL.

so therefore we thought it was the same in Alabama.

Well because their car wouldn't start, they were unable to go anywhere to get the license.

We went out when we got there and tried to start the car, it was overheated and wouldn't do a thing.

We worried that the courthouse would be closed soon but called to figure life out;

we received good news...

they wouldn't be closing until 8

and there was no three day waiting period

so we would have more time to figure it out

plus the license was only 70 dollars!

Because of the wait to get paid and the necessity to pay bills, the money allotted for the license came up fifteen dollars short.

We sat there BRAINSTORMING on how we could make fifteen dollars to get that license that has been the road block for a couple of weeks now.

Ideas:

-lemonade stand

-scoop poop

-mow lawns (but we don't have a lawn mower so that one died real quick)

-Curt "Do you think my sexy legs will stop traffic?"

-Pawn everything and the neighbors dog

As we were on a time crunch and getting married is important because if not married we would have to move the baptism and I probably wouldn't be here for it which is okay but kind of sad

Curt said, "I'm about ready to give up"

I'm not going to lie, I could relate because stuff like this had been happening to prevent them from getting the license for a while now.

But something came over me and I said

"Let's all make a decision RIGHT now.

You two are getting married on Saturday no matter what it takes."

Later Sister Palmer commented that she was kind of shocked at how calmly but seriously I had said that. We have shared many a chuckle since because It was such a bold thing to say.

Being the amazing humans they are

they decided to make a sacrifice that really helped me to understand their conversion, and how my conversion needs to be.

They decided to pawn their tv to get the money.

At this time about, and after we had earlier all knelt in prayer to God Curtis said,

"I feel very strongly that we need to go outside and try to start the car."

Keep in mind just 20 minutes before both Sister Palmer and I, the experts we are, tried to start this car but to no avail and no it was not a battery issue.

The gas tank did say that it was empty, but they had just gotten gas the day before so they were baffled.

Curt came back in two minutes later and said,

"The car just started right up and not only that, but the gas gage shows that there is a FULL TANK OF GAS"

While we all praised God and about lost our minds, he picked up the tv, unplugged it, and they went on their way STRAIGHTAWAY to get that license.

The next night we went back

and I literally kissed that marriage license

right on the front of it

Three days later I had the privilege of helping Rachel get ready for her wedding, and witnessing the marriage of these two love birds who will have the opportunity to be sealed in the temple a year after Curts baptism which is happening this Saturday!

This is such a special time, I am humbled to be part of that miracle, and the miracle that is the life of Curt+Rachel

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-August third happened which is my eighteen month mark

I have gotten plenty of jokes about "Well you might as well pack up and leave, your call letter says 18 months so you don't have the spirit with you now."

"Does this mean you get to start sleeping in everyday and watching Disney movies?"

"I guess that makes sense that you forgot your name tag TWO days in a row, you aren't really a missionary anymore."

True story, I have left the house without it two days in a row and I have never done that before. Luckily I was able to come back home and grab it before any damage was done. #reallifeofsistersaunders #realtalk #human

but on the serious note

I am still a missionary PEOPLE

and the power of my calling doesn't come from that piece of paper, or a calendar, or a name tag.

It comes from Jesus Christ

It came when I was given the gift of the Holy Ghost by my father, and when I was Endowed in the House of the Lord, and when I was set apart by my Stake President as a full-time representative of Jesus Christ.

August third was a tender mercy

It just happened to be exchanges and the Sisters didn't even know.

I got to go to Gulf Breeze for the day, back to where it all started, my training grounds, and even eat dinner at Paul and Paula's like old times!

let me tell you

they prepared a feast to celebrate

Paul proposed to Paula again because they are going to be sealed in the temple next week and visit me on their way back from Birmingham:)

I was able to testify to an investigator in Gulf Breeze about the joy of forgiveness and I hugged her on my knees after prayer while she cried to me a stranger, but sister in Christ.

I also got to talk to Brenda on the phone, an investigator that I taught most of the lessons to in Gulf Breeze a year and a half ago, she is getting baptized on the 19th and invited me!

I AM SO PROUD OF HER the timing was finally right

Leaving Gulf Breeze was almost as hard that day as it was the first time I left, but it will be there even if I'm not and I will be back:)

What a way to celebrate!

God has blessed me beyond measure

My heart is full of gratitude and happiness for these 18 months+

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I had to say goodbye to Diane :( She is out of town

so won't be here when I leave

It was a lot easier than I thought it was going to be, probably because I know I will see her again and that I can actually call her when I leave and face time her to my hearts content.

I LOVE DIANE

We have found so much in her Family History and printed off her parents for baptism and confirmation in the temple to give to her as a going away present.

She also bought my bike which was a huge blessing.

Friends Forever

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Had my 30 minute exit interview with President Smith where he gave me so much inspired council about my upcoming life, even about love, and the pursuit of happiness.

This man is incredible

So inspired

He took the news well that both he and his wife are stuck with me forever and even called that a blessing ;)

He asked me what I have learned, but I will share my reply a little down the road...

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The new 2017 efy soundtrack is POPPIN

"He'll take your hopes and your dreams and

multiply them by two

cause HE believes

He believes

you"

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-found out Sister Fast sang at her Zone Conference, and I sang at mine which was really tender

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Rhoda and Johnny

We went over to teach them the law of chastity but their kids were there with their daughter and another grandson

so we read and discussed a chapter of the Book of Mormon.

Leaving, Sister Palmer on the front porch invited Rhoda to invite her son and his wife to church "tomorrow"

Sunday we pulled in to carpool with Rhoda, out walked Johnny, their son, his wife, their daughter, and the other grandson:)

We went to church with the whole Wright family minus one!

We found out it also happened to be another grandsons "Heaven birthday"

{the date that he went back to heaven}

this sweet young boy had tragically drowned in a river nearby

the anniversary of his passing was yesterday

and we talked about the Plan of Salvation/sealing families together

all throughout church

what a peace that was there

I WAS SO FILLED WITH JOY

I love the Wright family

I reckon they all enjoyed church, and the daughter-in-law asked me many questions after church that I was able to testify through the answers

Heavenly Father is so pleased with this family, and they are teaching me so much. I am so blessed to know them, and excited for the good things that are going to happen in the future!

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Please ponder this very inspired thought out of the mind of Curtis,

"He went through Hell

for me

So I'm going to go through Heaven

for Him"

along with this line from the efy 2017 soundtrack

"Someone already suffered so you don't have to be the one"

Brothers and Sisters who have taken the time to read this

please I beg you

remember what He did, so that you don't have to do what He did.

He's calling your name and waiting for you, but the handle is on your side of the door.

let Him in

accept His gift

He didn't pay the price for you to feel ashamed that He did that for you, He did it so that you would feel the JOY of the gift and use it!

Because He went through Hell, we can go through/to Heaven, even if all we see around us is chaos, He will keep us in His arms in the eye of the storm.

The calm in the chaos. The hope in the heart ache. The miracle in the mess.

We just need faith.

I love you, and so does Jesus Christ

whom we serve

in His name, Jesus Christ, I leave you with this thought,

amen.

Me and Chloe <3

"Confide In God Unwaveringly

and Let him Us Sustain.

Sing his Glory Endlessly

For Later He'll Explain"

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This week Johnny and I did a ton of family history

Found out Johnny super enjoyed church

Found out Rhoda super enjoyed church

and this last Sunday (yesterday)

Curtis and Rachel came, and we have wedding plans set in motion for this Saturday!

We are all sorts of EXCITED as the big day approaches, and they make cute promises to each other, and then next week Curtis will make promises with God through the covenant of baptism.

My heart is so happy for so many reasons!

-MyPlan-

myplan is the going home version of the first 12 weeks of a missionary

12 week is to help you adjust into misisonary life, and "MyPlan" is to help you adjust out of missionary life into member missionary life

well here are some interesting things

-they make you watch adorable videos of cute maried couples and their newborn baby

-you make goals and set plans for after the mission

-you sign up for Institute (literally I enrolled in Institute last week... I will be taking classes from Brother Muellers dad at Weber State, Brother Mueller the sr kind, and that is a treat because the jr kind was my Seminary teacher my senior year of high school and he's awesome!

Hope that's not confusing)

Anyway I started off with a really bad attitude about MyPlan because my actual plan was to not plan until the day before I went home.

Well apparently God has other plans, and that is to make myplan HisPlan and I am more than okay with that now. I feel like the transition will be a lot better because of this inspired six weeks of "MyPlan"

some other things about the week

Diane did fabulous in her new calling as chorister, and she was asked to bear her testimony because it was Branch Conference yesterday. She did so well.

She also LOVES the Pero, and you mom.

I got bit by a spider on my face, it's huge, the bite I mean. No worries, it's healing and no accounts of doctors or shots in places you don't want to get shots in have to be mentioned, because there were none.

Thank goodness.

Spiders in the South

-saw a church sign that says "five loaves and two fish, the first Happy Meal"

-Mary and Von from crestview came to visit for a minute <3

Mary & Von from Crestview came for a quick visit <3

-I learned a lot about humility, and the importance of loving ourselves in the right way as God loves us.

I am building on the simple things that I have already learned and felt and I love it

I've said it before and will say it again

I am convinced that we would love even the vilest of human beings if we had the time to get to know them and learn all about their life story...

that is one of the reasons Jesus Christ loves us all so perfectly, because He knows us perfectly. So we cannot in turn expect to love others perfectly, without knowing them. At least without His help we can't

That can be hard when we only have a few weeks with them or a few months as a missionary, especially because we are to love everyone instantly and see them for their potential, the great thing is that we are set apart as special representatives of Jesus Christ, He has promised us His spirit to help us feel for others how He feels for them.

We must also be in tune with the Spirit in order to know how He feels about us.

here is an interesting thought

We cannot perfectly know ourselves in this life.

So we cannot justly feel dislike about ourselves, we cannot have self hatred, it just doesn't have any merit, because we do not know ourselves perfectly.

It is a waste of time, because we don't even know ourselves well enough to know if we do or do not love ourselves.

If we were to meet a stranger, and decide after only a few hours whether or not we will love them, it would be wrong.

In the grand scheme of things, this life is but a few hours. Maybe a few minutes. So we must not decide against loving ourselves, we must pray and have faith that we can love ourselves because of Him.

The veil has hidden a lot about us that we don't remember, we are also not ourselves without an eternal companion because man is not without the woman neither is the woman without the man

therefore there is no way to know ourselves perfectly in this life

but we can have faith in Jesus Christ, that He does know who we were before this life, He does know all about our current lives, our upbringing, our personality, weaknesses, strengths, EVERYTHING so we can feel His love for us, and that can help us to love ourselves as He would have us do so.

We are not our own, we are temples of God, He created us, He loves us. That is where our worth comes from, not from mankind, not from worldly things, or praise, or even our own vain approval of ourselves. Without God we are nothing.

But we are everything to the Savior. All we have to give Him is our will, and even our very ability to make a choice to give Him our will, that thing we use to make the choice called agency, was a gift from God.

pride comes in a number of ways, it is thinking more of ourselves in an incorrect way, or thinking less of ourselves instead of thinking about how He thinks of us. Self pity, and self hatred, is not humility. It is pride from the adversary that tells us that we have control over our self worth.

When we punish ourselves instead of forgiving ourselves, it is pride. We do not need to satisfy the demands of justice, those demands were satisfied long ago so that we wouldn't have to.

I have learned that my worth has little to do with me, but everything to do with who made me. Which makes me of infinite worth and value.

It is He who gave me my talents, knowledge, and faith. Faith, even, is a gift from God.

Everything that is incredible, amazing, and wonderful about me, comes from someone else. My Father in Heaven, and my brother Jesus Christ who enables me to be all of those things.

I owe everything to my Father in Heaven, to my brother Jesus Christ, the only begotten Son in the flesh, the redeemer of the world.