There's More

Yikes...

It has been an entire year since I started this journal series to document our 

Love Story

I have posted three elaborately detailed entries

but wouldn't you know?

There's more...

I'm going to try my best to stop being so wordy and get to the point 

or else

I will never get to the part where we actually get married and do

SO MANY THINGS

So here we go

-----------------------------------------

night hike

The night after our first smooch.... (gross mom)

we went on a hike

it was Ensign Peak

and it was dark outside

on the way

I was introduced to a banger by the name of Caroline

I ate a Chimichanga the size of Texas

and we went with two friends on a night hike

I don't remember kissing him on the way up the trail

but on the top of the mountain? 

Fireworks

Have you ever wanted to do something 

that you have a weird memory attached to

but with the person you are going to spend eternity with instead of the person you were with when the weird memory was made?

I call it replacing memories

because in the memory you have

either the place is great

the activity is wonderful

the scenery amazing

the food is yum

Etc.

but the person/people you were with

or the situation you were in

was not 

great 

amazing

or yum

maybe the timing was just wrong

the person was just ehh

or the situation was not great

but you still want to have a good memory associated with the good things

Well I realized this night hike that I found someone to do that with

someone to replace memories with

We looked at the stars upside down

I had done this before in a very specific situation

but on a different mountain

I had gone on this hike before

and then on a drive nearby

and left that particular night in tears

I don't mean to sound over-the-top

but I had considered calling the police that night

down the road from Ensign Peak

because of someone who didn't listen 

to the word

"No"

but with Nate? 

this mountain was magic

Replacing Memories?

when I think of Ensign Peak and laying on my back 

perpendicular to the valley below

with my head off of the cliff/hill upside down

staring at the stars 

pretending they are boats and the sky is the ocean

pretending 

that the city lights are where the beach meets the water

when I think of that

I think of Nate Witt

+ the time we did that together

and how if any tears were welling up

it's because my heart was healing up

(cheeeesyyy:)

my heart was smiling so dang big

on the way down from the hike we were skipping

laughing

and hanging back behind the others to

 "tie my shoe"

so that we could sneak a kiss

without the other people noticing

it wasn't a secret, it was just new

I wanted to stay in that bubble forever

in a lot of ways, I think I have.

pizza with Paul and volleyball

Around this time

 Paul from Florida came to visit

we went to lunch one Saturday at Ligoris (the best pizza in Utah)

Nate came too!

It was so fun to share a bit of my mission with Nate.

We then headed down south an hour

 to Nate's stomping grounds

to play volleyball with his friends

I didn't get to know them much because we were playing volleyball the whole time

but I knew I liked them

and I liked how much they obviously loved Nate

Most of his friends were married

so they were pretty invested in who Nate would end up with

I'm pretty sure he brought quite a few girls around to get their opinion

a few months later we went on a California trip with these friends

and one of the girls told me this:

"After you came to volleyball that first time, I knew Nate was going to marry you.

I even told my husband "I think Nate is going to marry that Ryanne-girl"

I asked her why she thought that so soon

she said

"He seemed so lit up around you. He hasn't been this attentive or happy before."

sunset and pie hole 

One night we went to my favorite park in Utah

it's right below the Capitol building and you have to hike down to it

it's so beautiful down there

temples and rivers and ponds

We watched the sunset, grabbed some electric scooters, 

and Nate introduced all of us that were there to Pie Hole 

it was YUMMY

picture a slice of pizza bigger than your face and thinner than Yzma 

Nate paid for me and a girl that was hanging out with us 

she was didn't have a date

that was really kind of him I thought

.......

this song is relatable

One of my favorite trips to the cabin

I invited a bunch of friends from our job

to go to Bear Lake and stay at the cabin

it is my absolute favorite place in the world

my family was there and so was Grandma Pat

I was excited for Grandma Pat to get to know Nate

because I have always really valued her opinion about such things

While we were playing Hand and Foot around the table 

my mom asked us what she should make for breakfast the next day

Nate said "Can I make breakfast? I love making cinnamon french toast"

We had to get up EARLY because the next day was

The Fourth Of July

if you know anything about boating on Bear Lake on the Fourth of July

you know you need to be there at the butt crack of dawn

So we got up and Nate and I made breakfast

I made eggs and he made french toast

it was yummy and my family was impressed

especially because it didn't stop there

Nate cleared the table until everything was clean

I learned a lot about how service oriented Nate is

part of me honestly wondered if it was a facade

or if it he was just putting his best foot forward 

I am one of those weirdos that thinks about the future

maybe if we got married it wouldn't be like this

so don't get your hopes up

aka

try to fall in love for other reasons

I didn't know him yet THAT well

no one really does when they marry someone

SPOILER ALERT:

even though some of my family members thought his attentiveness

 help with the boat

food

cleaning

everything 

was probably too good to be true

(and I wondered if it was)

I can assure you 

that the update is that

It is very much true

after being married almost a year and a half

I can attest that Nate is a rare gem

he helps me keep our house clean

he has done the dishes almost every time that I cook

He is even better at putting away his clothes at the end of the day than I am

ANYWAY

we went boating all day

Nate was crazy 

He asked to go on the tube by himself

and egged my dad on to drive like a bat outa hell

at one point the tube literally hit a wave and flew into the air

and flipped on top of Nate

it was crazy

then, Nate decided to try slalom water ski for the first time

he was out in the water away from the boat when my dad said

"if he gets up on the first try he can marry my daughter"

it was a HUGE joke because NO ONE gets up on their first try

absolutely NO ONE

I was actually kind of mad at my dad for saying that

because of how impossible I knew it was

but I knew he was joking

then 

Nate flipping got up

the first time

and Skied 

picture 10 people on a boat 

LOSING THEIR MINDS

My dad has boated his whole life

water skiing has been a sort of right of passage

although I am not great at it myself

and my dad said he has seen someone do that only

one. other. time.

I have a video of all of us screaming because we couldn't believe it.

"Nate is flipping cool"

That night we parked the boat 

(as much as you can park a boat without an anchor lol)

and watched the fireworks from the lake

they were beautiful and going off in all directions

we could see for miles 

we blasted songs about the statue of liberty

and boots in assess

and the American Way

then this song came on:

"I can't help falling in love with you"

Nate and I were swaying left to right on the deck of the boat

watching the fireworks everywhere

his arm was around my shoulders

mine around his waist

we were side by side

he said

"This song is relatable"

Perfectly Out of Order 

The next day was a Sunday

which meant

 back to the hotel we lived in 

so that we could be ready for work on Monday

I was hanging out with him in his hotel room, just sitting on the couch when he told me he loved me

It went something like “I have fallen in love with you”

I smiled a huge smile and hugged him, about to reply and he said “like.. I love you.”

I said “I love you too”

it was such a happy and wonderful moment

I felt like I was watching two strangers experience it 

because my heart couldn’t handle the fact that it was happening to us

we had found that special something that people will never stop talking about in the world

we found love

because I am female and was thinking a million thoughts in the background 

I thought to myself 

(somewhere in a corner that doesn’t really matter)

 “I was not expecting him to say that yet!”

If you’re not familiar with the “average” or “normal” progression of things in the state of Utah, 

and I’m not talking about a timeline but a process, 

I will enlighten you

First you usually  “hang out”

What it means when you ask someone to hang out: 

Hey who knows? I might be interested in you as more than friends, I might just want to be friends, 

I also might not know which I want, but whether I am obsessed with you, in love with you, 

in infatuation, lust, like, or wanna be in friendship with you, 

hanging out will progress our relationship as human beings. 

But I’m not going to tell you any of that. 

So you’ll just have to guess my intentions and formulate your own upon getting to know me better. 

Unless you already know, 

in which case I might be able to pick up on how you feel about me if we hang out. 

So hanging out will help me drop hints about how I want this to go, or figure out what I want, 

or vice versa.

if you decide/have decide you want to progress romantically you go on a date.

What it means when you ask someone on a date: 

Hey who knows? I obviously have some interest in you. 

Whether that is physical, emotional, social, or sexual, I want to get closer to you. 

On this date we can ask awkward questions fi we don’t really know each other, 

or we can just feel awkward and focus way too much on what we are doing without having 

any recollection of what we were doing on the date because our minds were so focused on 

which ever aspect we are liking about each other. 

Hopefully we can figure out each others intentions by the end of the night. 

Does my date want some physical closeness? 

Does my date want to get to know me better? 

Will there be a second date?

 Do I want to continue dating this person because they are attractive on the inside, outside, or both? 

Next you hold hands. This usually happens on dates 1-3

What it means if someone makes a move on you and holds your hand:

“Hey I like you. I like touching your hand. I hope you like it. 

I know you probably wouldn’t tell me if you didn’t. 

I hope you aren’t thinking to yourself that you wish I wouldn’t have held your hand. 

I hope you like it too.” 

But again… you never talk about it because it might be weird.

Then you kiss. 

This usually happens around date 3… but let’s be honest it usually happens earlier than that. 

You know what kissing is.

Then you continue to do activities to get to know each other on a spiritual, and physical level. 

This is when you find out the person is not just trying to get their jollies for the day and move on, 

but that they are actually interested in you. 

As a girl, you usually don’t start to ask yourself questions about if you are interested in him until this part.

 How can you let yourself become seriously interested in someone who might be

 looking for a make out session or two.. but not a future? 

So you go along with it trying to think about his intentions and if he likes you until about now. 

Once you figure that out you either decide you like them, or you don’t. 

This is why men often think women lead them on. 

They get this far into the process to figure out the guy and realize,

 it doesn’t matter because I don’t actually feel compatible with him. 

Then they stop dating the guy when he thought things were going well.

 In the minds of the guy from day one they ask themselves 

“ Do I want to be with her another minute, hour, lifetime?” “What do I want in this situation? 

Do I like her? What about her is going to get me to stick around?

Girls are only asking up until this point

 “Does he want to be around me? Does he like me? Does he think what I said was funny?

 Is he attracted to my mind or just my butt? 

Or both?”

I have a whole philosophy as to why I think this is, 

but I won’t go into that right now.

So after you both kind of figure out you like each other, 

you start to reflect on how much you want to date and like other people.

If the answer is that you don’t want to date or be romantic with other people, 

it’s time to become “Official”

“Official” means you are only interested in dating each other. 

It is the first loyalty declaration.

 If you ask someone to be your girlfriend/boyfriend you’re usually thinking

 “I want to pretend we are married for awhile in emotional ways so that I can get a feel for 

what it would be like to marry you. I want to get to know you even better. 

I want to meet your family and let my family judge you. 

I don’t actually want their advice though.. 

I just want to hear all of the reasons I made a good choice in getting in a relationship with you. 

It makes me feel confident in myself. 

If they tell me of red flags it’s because they don’t know you like I know you.

 I’ll probably ignore those, 

but I want a boost of ego so let’s spend time with my friends and family! 

I guess we can spend time with yours too.”

At some point between “officially dating” and “engaged” you say the words 

“I love you” and it’s a huge deal.

Saying  I love you means you have to be willing to not hear it back. 

You put your heart out on your sleeve and hope they reciprocate. 

Your heart is beating, you feel like you might explode with anticipation, 

but you tell yourself it’s okay if they take longer to say/feel that than you. 

Not because you really think that. 

You just tell yourself that because you know that’s the ideal way to think about it, 

and also to protect yourself from the pain and awkwardness

 that comes if they don’t say it back right away. 

If it goes well, you end up engaged.

If engagement goes well and you manage to keep your raging sexual feelings enough at bay, 

you end up.

Sealed in the Temple

Engaged means 

“Even though we were already in a committed relationship on a trial basis, 

now I want to be in a committed relationship 

that mutually agrees that it should stay that way forever. 

I am pledging myself to you forever, 

but we need some time to plan the wedding 

so we can’t just get married today.”

I will tell you all about what Sealed in the Temple means in a later post.

but that is the end goal with the one you have been looking for all of your life :)

So this is the “order” of progression.

Let’s see where Nate and I were at on this progressive list of events

Hanging out: Check

Official date: Not check. We had not been on a date lol.

 Nate would like me to point out we had done a lot of work activities together like boating, 

and eating out. We also went to the cabin with my family, 

as well as a hike and walk in the park. So those sort of count as activities, 

but under the Utah definition of a date, 

you have to actually use the word date when you ask someone to go on a date with you. 

So this had not been done. LOL

Hold hands: Check

Kiss: Double check

Officially together: not check

I love you: Check 

but here is my point

it was perfect the end. 

I love everything about they way our love story progressed

 so out of order by the usual progression of things.

You can see why I wasn’t expecting him to tell me he was in love with me. 

We hadn’t gone on a date! I wasn’t his girlfriend! 

However, I could tell he wasn’t concerned with the proper order of things

He was being honest, genuine, 

and he shared his feelings for me with me despite 

whatever standard had been laid before him

He felt love for me, so he didn’t delay

I felt that

I love hm for that

He realized a few minutes later, that he had a question to ask me

“Will you be my girlfriend”

Officially in a relationship: Check

So now you understand how it came to pass that I was in love and had a boyfriend 

with someone I had never even been on a date with. ;)

A sidetone about Nate telling me that he loved me that I found out much later:

I was and am the only girl 

(of a romantic nature)

to hear those words from Nathan Legrande Witt. 

To say it is my honor and most prized possession is the grossest understatement of my existence.

I am the only woman he has said those words to.

 He saved them for a girl he had not known long. 

I asked him if he was nervous to tell me because he had made it this long, 

wouldn’t he be extra sure it was who he was going to marry before breaking that streak?

He explained he hadn’t kept himself from saying that to a woman 

with the goal in mind of waiting until he found 

“the one”

it just happened organically

he never felt it, so he never said it

and when he did, 

he didn’t care if it worked out or not

the fact is that he felt it

so he said it

he had no regrets or worries

he had love

he had no fear

he had love

for me

and I had love for him

I couldn’t give him as precious of a gift that he gave me

I obviously have no feelings whatsoever for the people I said those three words to, 

however I have said them. 

I am not regretful of that necessarily, 

because I am who I am… and it is what it is.

“Be Grateful not Regretful”

well..

I am SO grateful/moved/blessed to know that I am Nate’s only love today, 

yesterday, and forever.

I can’t think of any better gift in the universe.

I feel special, and so d*ng blessed.

he makes me feel that way every. single. day. 

He is my forever love 

I love him more than anyone or anything in the universe

but wait

Garden of Eden 

(summer 2020)

Going back to work up in northern Utah was uneventful

It’s not a surprise, but Nate moved both teams to the same general location to knock

It became clear that he had put me in an area with a lot of potential 

                                 I rolled up and looked at my map full of green stars

(iykyk)

Nate gave the hotel one weeks notice

I gave my parents one days notice

“Can we do a bomb/bbq and invite our team and Nate Witt’s team?”

“Who the heck is Nate Witt?”

Seth: “He is actually awesome. I want Ryanne to marry him.”

(did I mention my brother seth was working with us and around Nate and I this whole time?)

We had a bomb the next day. I was sitting in a chair around the table on a zoom class

all of the seats were taken

Nate wasn’t there yet

my dad had the smoked bomb on the table ready to eat

(a bomb is meat inside of meat inside of cheese 

wrapped in bacon smoked and cut to perfection)

It became apparent that I would have to leave the room

in order to hear my class better

so I stood up just as Nate walked in

when I came back, I expected Nate to be sitting at the table where I had been

I didn’t leave anything to save my spot

and had to leave for my class anyway

Instead I saw Nate sitting at the counter near the table

but all by himself

everyone else had a seat at the table

In that split second when he came in, he had noticed where I had been sitting

despite my mom inviting him to sit at the table, he politely refused

keeping that last spot open for me 

if it isn’t at all obvious... I pay attention to details

soak them up and keep them close

I think this experience helped me to know that he pays attention to details too

he chose to sit at the counter by himself instead of at the table with everyone else

for me

I came back into the room and saw him

I looked and my spot was still empty

I knew what had happened

and I felt so gloriously silly and happy all at once

that might sound vain if you think that I was happy because I didn't want to sit alone

But that isn't the case at all! 

I was simply happy because when I give 100 percent to a relationship

(friends and partners alike)

I do things like that

so I knew that I could give my best

+

 get the same sort of best right back at me 

at the same time

--------------

Tree Tunnels

My homework suffered that week because I was anxious for Nate to move in

I sold well, I just had butterflies in my head as well as my heart

One night, I was up doing homework.

 It was the end of the summer semester and I was feeling it

So dang tired

This was the first long conversation Nate and I ever had

I told him what I was doing (some huge final assignment) and how tired I was

He told me he was going to stay up with me to keep me awake and

asked if he could help me In any other way

I said keeping me awake would be more than great

He asked me a deep question about what makes me love life

I sent him a link to an amazing personality test so that I could over analyze his results later

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

I learned that he is the “Campaigner” personality 

which happens to be the exact personality that I am

(some people say opposites attract… but I guess they are wrong)

I read what the section about romance said, and he said that it was creepily accurate

Me:  I can see that it’s accurate

Him: how?

Me: I then listed all of the positive things that were on there

and how I noticed those in him.

We talked until 3 in the morning

I don’t remember what time I finished my homework

but I do remember telling him that tree tunnels are one of the things on my list of

“Things that make me instantly happy”

Which leads me to what happened the next day

“Roll Call” in the two-team group chat

Nate Witt:

enough said.

Boating Incentive

That week of the “weeks notice” I saw Nate almost everyday at some point.

As an office, we were working to hit a goal

so that we could all take the coming Saturday off and go boating with our boss

It was so motivating, that the office went way over what we were supposed to do

in order to go boating

My roommate friend and I drove to the designated place to park next to the lake

We got in a line to pay for parking

Looked ahead

And saw Nate Witt paying for parking and pointing to our car

It didn’t surprise me when I pulled up to pay and the lady said 

“You are covered”

I was melting because HOW SWEET was it of him to think of 

paying for MY OUR parking?

Soon, our boss told us he had two jet skis rented

So I volunteered to go with Nate Witt to pick them up

We had a blast zipping around the lake

It felt like a date from The Bachelor 

We sprayed each other with water

Took turns surfing later on the boat

And had the best dang day

At one point this man was sitting next to me on the boat

+ he put his arm around me

he gave me a squeeze every once in a while to "keep me warm"

it was then that I realized something

St. George week was not just a fling for him

It’s one thing to cuddle up and hold hands when no one is awake/around

                            or spend a night texting until 3 in the morning (aka booty call hours)

and a completely other thing on a boat full of very awake people

+ your boss 

It felt good to know that

the next night we had another BBQ in our bosses backyard

This time…

I was.....

very much not aloof 

remember last time? I was quiet and avoiding everyone?

and awkward as a jellybean....

This time was like an explosion of me being me

That’s probably a good indicator that this situation 

was going to work out a little better than the last

Nate no longer thought I was aloof to his existence

or “over all of this”

I saw him as more than a ski bum 

(but I love that part of him too)

I felt like he saw me

really saw me

+ I was seeing him

and there was so much to look at

I could spend eternity seeing more and more

because he is so much of what I have always wanted to be myself

Vast and Brilliant

some of the things I saw of him at this BBQ round II

---I saw someone who loves to serve because he insisted on

cleaning up everyones dirty paper plates

--- a couple of little girls were running around annoying the heck out of everyone to get attention

they were pushing our legs off of the foot rests

stealing our food

insulting us (lol I love kids)

roasting people who challenged them

+ honestly being a couple of little $hi+s

but then...

Nate started talking to them

my creepy photo of this

they weren’t sure what to do at first

slowly they warmed up to him

they started being nice because if we are all being honest

they just didn't know how to make friends with all of the young adults around them

they (Nate and the kids)

Jumped on the tramp

made bets where the winners got a dollar from Nate

became friends

and pretty soon these girls were playfully

FIGHTING

over who got to refill his drink 

And BEGGING him to play games on the tramp with them

I was slowly dying and my uterus was SCREAMING

I saw something in particular about Nate for the first time 

something that I see all the time now

I saw a dad. 

a really good dad.

one of the silly things Nate saw in me that day, was a

piano playing “prodigy”

I can play the piano by ear which means if I have heard a song, any song,

I can sit down and play it with no practice

I showed off my little party trick after most people had left

our friend Matt sang with me while I played whatever song was suggested

It was SO fun (Matt is an incredible singer)

that night I headed to floor two of the Hyatt House Hotel 

and waited for Nate to move in to floor 3

I kept replaying in my head the look on Nate’s face as he sat on the couch

and watched me sing/play the piano

I was in the zone

(it was basically pride and prejudice in 2020)

I was being the realest version of me

not afraid

of failing

or falling

people say that your person brings out the best version of you

I think that's BULLSHIT 

every guy I’ve ever dated brought out the best version of me

what’s really special is when you find someone

that brings out the realest rawest version of you

the version that isn’t afraid of being the worst version sometimes

because we all have different versions on the spectrum of worst to best

the person that you want to be with loves you

Not in spite of the worst versions

But because they can look upon you with grace and love

When you feel your worst

as well as when you feel your best

and you can do the same for them

It’s not that he brought out the worst in me

It’s that he brought out the true in me

• the truest parts of any of us can only be brought out

If they don’t have the fear

Of sometimes being the worst

moving in

I didn’t have to wait very long because he was headed to the Hyatt House 

that night!

I went upstairs and we hung out/decorated

I’m pretty sure we watched a movie with a group of friends

and got a little cuddly…. :)

the next day was a Monday 

Cheesecake

The thing about Mondays is that they usually suck

but for me, that summer,  Mondays were an extension of my break

I didn’t work Mondays because I used the day to do as much homeworkl as possible

I was taking 13 credits in a sped up semester of only 1.5 months

As well as working a job that starts at 11 and goes until 9 sometimes 10 at night

It was INSANE 

But I had some extra time that Monday

so I made everyone dinner

at some point in our previous conversations 

I had learned that Nate loves cheesecake

so I bought a cute little mini cheesecake from

my favorite happy ghetto cafe in SLC

gourmandise

it's not so ghetto anymore admittedly

 and gave it to him when he showed up for dinner

he was beaming so I think that means he loved that I did that for him

moving forward, we spent every single night 

hanging out in his and his brothers hotel apartment

(there is a kitchen/living room and a bedroom)

we lived just an elevator ride apart

we watched movies, talked for hours after

andy went to bed, danced, joked, laughed, and had a blast.

After 5 or six nights of bliss + 2 weeks since St George,

I was wondering…

When the heck is he going to kiss me?

HEEEELLLOOOO?

One night he said something really sweet

so I leaned wayyy in there

my signal was loud and clear

I was READY TO KISS THIS BOY

but heaven forbid I make the first move…

(Feminist movement is still in progress k.)

So hints were given

(Nate’s version of this story: "She gave me no choice")

(major eyeroll)

Then..

BUTTERFLIES 

so many butterflies

there must have been a million hurricanes on the other side of the world that night

;)

DIRECTLY FROM GOOGLE:

Q. What is the butterfly effect theory?

 

Answer:

1. 

The butterfly effect is the idea that small things can have non-linear impacts on a complex system. The concept is imagined with a butterfly flapping its wings and causing a typhoon.

"I've been wanting to do that for a long time"

-Nate Witt